For this blog, I'll discuss personal relationships and how they form. By all means, I'm no relationship expert (and I won't pretend to be one) but I want to talk about my personal opinion on them. There are many reasons how people form relationships:
Appearance
Many people judge based on how we act and not how we present ourselves, however, it is quite the opposite. Appearance is very important in an early stage of a relationship. I'm amazed that there are people (I won't name names) that dress like crap (meaning wearing the same clothes day after day, wearing their pants half way down their crotch, don't shower on a daily basis) that get into relationships and their boy/girlfriends really don't care.
Often I judge on the basis of appearance. I don't want to be with or around someone who never heard of a shower and/or deodorant. When I walk into the public library or board the bus, the first thing I smell is nasty b/o. My first thought when I approach these people is: they are the type of people who don't care about how they present themselves. I have to put on decent cologne just to get the smell off me. Unfortunately sometimes it doesn't work very well.
My main point is: Dress up nice and take a shower on a daily basis and we'll get along just fine.
Similarity
People like to be with people who are similar to them. It helps each other build the social needs. For example, the more people that person talks to, you can possibly be friends with that person. It's also easier to talk to someone who has the same social skills as you do. It's relatively easy to find out if he/she has the same social skills as you do: talk about sports, what's happening in the world, liking the same social activities, or using or not using alcohol and cigarettes.
But it's also important to meet people who have different likes & dislikes than you. One would think that a relationship would be rather boring if you and others had the exact same likes/dislikes as you do.
Complementary
Differences in relationships strengthen them. Or in another words, when each partner's characteristics satisfy the other's needs. For example, there are some individuals who are more than likely to be attracted to each other when one person is dominate and the other is passive.
Relationships also work better when partners agree that one will control a certain area (the finances) and the other exercises control in different area (house decorations).
Reciprocal Attraction
The power of reciprocal attraction is extremely important in the beginning stages of a relationship. We need to believe that we are attractive in order the other person to believe we're attractive. How are you going to make someone believe that when you yourself doesn't believe it?
People who believe that we are attractive is a rewarding thing. It helps us build our self-esteem, knowing at least one person believes that. This type of approval is a reward in its self, and its also a confirmation that your self-concept says: "I'm a likable person."
We need to believe that in our own hearts before anybody can believe that in their heart.
Competence
Each and everyone of us likes to be around a talented person. Whether it's a musical instrument, art, computer knowledge, business knowledge, or whatever the case may be. The point is everyone has a talent in them and some people don't realize that. If you don't realize it, make a list of all the things you do well and go off that. You maybe surprised on what you might find out about yourself.
But the best way to keep people interested in you is this: Be good at what you do, but admit your mistakes. Otherwise it might sound like your too cocky and arrogant if you don't admit to the mistakes.
Disclosure
How much information do you need to get out? When is the best time to share your feelings? Who should I share them to? Where should I share them? These are some questions that some people ask when they need to talk.
How much info should so share? It depends on the situation. Obviously you don't want to share your whole life's story, otherwise the receiver will get bored rather quickly. Stay on topic of the event.
When is the best time? Generally when you feel like "now's the time." I've been known as a type of person to hold my feelings in until the point of where I'm going to explode. Then again, that's a typically male for you.
Who should I talk to? Talk to someone who is very close to you (spouse, parent, therapist, etc).
Where should I share? In a private place, with no one but the person who is close to you. Never talk in a public space where strangers can hear you. I had this Metro Transit driver talk about how bad his life is. He would talk about it on the bus, in front of the public. Even once got on the loudspeaker, when I was sitting in the back, and told me how bad his life is. Even once he came over to my house to talk about his pathetic life. I was embarrassed on every occasion. Talk about your problems in private, not public.
Proximity
More than likely, we will have relationships with people we see almost on a daily basis. For example, I have developed friendships with several Metro Transit drivers since I have interactions with them on a daily basis (of course, it depends on when they're working).
Rewards
Social scientists have argued that all relationships - interpersonal and personal - are based on a semi-economic model called the social exchange theory. The theory is based on how often we seek out people who gives us the rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them. Rewards maybe intangible (a nice place to live, a high-paying job, etc), but the costs of undesirable also have some outcomes: unpleasant work, emotional pain and the list continues. There is a formula that captures the social exchange theory of why we form and maintain relationships:
Rewards - Costs = Outcome.
Note: Some information came from the book Looking Out, Looking In by Ronald B. Adler & Russell F. Proctor II
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