Emotions & Listening

I always thought I had pretty good listening and communication skills. Boy was I wrong. Since I decided to take this class, I've learned more about myself than ever before.

For example, I learned more about listening than ever before. I never realized that there is a difference between listening (which occurs when the brain reconstructs electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and then gives them meaning), and hearing (which is the process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted into the brain).

I always knew that listening is a two way street. However, the work you have to put into listening never really occurred to me. There are several elements of the listening process that people have to follow. Hearing (defined as the physiological dimension of listening), attending (defined as the process of filtering out some of the messages and focusing on others, understanding (defined as something that occurs when sense is made of a message), responding (defined as giving observable feedback to the speaker), and remembering (defined as the ability to remember).

I noticed that after reading this chapter, I actually noticed that the way I was communicating changed. I went to a bar with a few friends last night. I actually took the time to listen to what my friends were saying, and then was able to contribute to the conversation appropriately.

But there’s also the emotional side to listening. Everyone from time to time needs someone to talk to. Whether he/she had a bad day at work, or something happened, everyone needs to talk. It’s important to realize that this particular person needs the not only understand you but also support you. Don’t give advice unless he/she asks for it. If you offer advice out of the blue, then he/she might feel more upset. I know the stereotype of “a man always wants to fix things”, so we give advice coming out of the blue. However, as I stated, it’s important to consider the other person’s feelings. I did this when I was younger but I learned how to keep my mouth shut unless someone wants my advice.

Judging is a problem that most everyone has. At one point or another, I have been told “I told you so”, or “Well, you asked for it”. This doesn’t make me feel any better nor should it make the person who said it feel any better. There are times that I deserved it. There’s no question about it. Whenever I did something wrong and I knew it, I deserved “I told you so”. Of course, I raised my hands and said “I know”. Joking aside, no one deserves to hear this kind of judging. We all make mistakes. After all, were human.

At work, I’ve always been open to accept constructive criticism. I try those suggestions and apply them to my work. There’s no question I like this. It tells me what I’m doing wrong and what I’m doing right.

One of the most annoying judging lines I have ever hear is “I’m doing this for your own good.” No your not. You’re only making matters worse by saying that. How are you making it better? If anything, you are putting me down even more. This is often used as a weapon and often not being helpful.

Gender has a big influence on listening. As I mentioned above, men tend to “fix the problem” while women are more supportive when listening to another’s problem.

Even with my new found knowledge, this is going to take some practice. There are several techniques that were featured in the chapter that I haven’t either tried or need extreme practice.