Choices Choices Choices

One of the things I'm thankful for by taking this class is the opportunity to blog. It's one of the biggest things to hit the Internet in the technology age. Plus, as a journalism major, it's helped me gain valuable writing skills. I should say that it's helped me become a better writer than previously.

As I have mentioned many times before, I do some of my best thinking while I'm riding the bus. One of the biggest things I've been thinking about is the pressure of trying to figure out what I want to do after I'm done with Inver Hills. I graduate at the end of fall semester 2009. Don't worry, I'm going to complete a 4 year degree.

One of the biggest things I've been pressured on is choosing the right school. I have it pinned down to the University of Minnesota - Twin Cities (this will be my second time around with that school) and Metropolitan State University. There are several factors I've been thinking about. Location, tuition/fee costs, how big the school is (what I mean by this is how it compares to other schools). Campus size isn't a big deal to me (well it is but it doesn't affect me as much now that I have the "college experience").

Costs

One of the biggest factors in this is cost. The University of Minnesota is way much more expensive than Metro State. And I won't even live on campus. With the economy that way it is, who knows how much it will cost me by the time I'm finished with IHCC, whether I decied to go to Metro or the U.

Location

I live relatively close to Metro State's Downtown location. Less than 5 minutes from where I live in St. Paul's Battle Creek area. The only problem: I would have to travel to all three campuses for classes. The other two is located in Energy Park (on Energy Park Drive in St. Paul) and Downtown Minneapolis (connected with Minneapolis Community & Technical College). Even though bus service is good for the three sites, the thought of having to travel an hour and half for a 2 hour class isn't appealing to me.

The University has much better bus service (running every 1-15 minutes), and classes only will be on the U's East Bank Campus, if not in one building. Which is very good since I'm a bus commuter.

I work in St. Paul's Macalester Groveland Area. Both schools have good bus service. If I went to Metro, it would only be one bus, no transfers. The U would require 1 or 2 transfers, depending on the time of day.

Comparing Schools

As we all know, the University of Minnesota is one of the biggest schools in the nation. It is part of the Big 10 network (at least when it comes to sports). Metropolitan State is not a real big school, but it's known for its programs, mainly for adults who already have a full time job and looking to advance, whether it's withen the company or at another place of employment. Personally for me, schedules don't really matter. I try to avoid night classes (I function better in the morning, afternoon or online) but at Metro, I might have a difficult time doing that.

Result

Who knows? At this point I may and wait to see what the economy does, whether it gets better or worse. Then hopefully, I'll be able to make my decision. Plus I have until the end of fall semester to make a final decision.

Ongoing Frustrations

I know that we are supposed to use this blog as a tool for class related material but I just can't help the frustration of what is going on in the City of St. Paul.

In a Pioneer Press article on 3/13/2009 (http://tinyurl.com/cy24rx) is what irritates me about working for the government. With the budget the way it is, we should be looking for ways to SAVE money instead of WASTING it. In the article, Mayor Chris Coleman wants t0 build a miniature Xcel Energy Center across the street from the current one. Which is fine, if your a year round hockey person.

But if you're a city employee (or resident for that matter), it upsets you. My only question is: Why are we spending money on things we don't need (hockey arenas) and cutting services we actually need (police, fire, parks, libraries, etc)? To me, it's a waste of money. We don't need a new hockey arena in a budget crisis. Plus the city is still in debt (32.75 million from the state). How can you build a rink when, not only facing a cut for local government aid, and you owe almost $33 million to the state? It's stupid to even think of building a rink. It's the exact equivalent to paying your tuition bill. If you have an outstanding balance on your account, you're blocked from registering for classes until the bill is payed up. It's common sense really. Oy.

Next time you're in the area, visit Palace Recreation Center. Last year they received a grant to build a brand new refrigerated rink. But, in October, they were able to pour concrete to the shape of a hockey rink. Guess what happened afterwards: The City ran out of money to fund it. Now, instead of horseshoe pits (which the community wanted), sits a concrete poured shape of a hockey rink oval. The whole thing sits on the corner of Jefferson Avenue and View Street. Notice I said corner. How about driving through the intersection and a puck flies through one of your windows? Here's the kicker about the whole thing: The community didn't even want the hockey rink. The head honchos in Downtown St. Paul already approved the idea. So the neighborhood wasn't too happy to hear about that.

Just remember: If you have no idea what to spend your money on, just do what Chris Coleman does: Build hockey rinks.

Come to think of it, I guess this DOES have sometime to do with class, since I have pent up frustrations about the City of St. Paul.

Relationship Building and Maintenance

As I have stated in previous blogs, each and everyone of us needs human contact of some-sort. The world would be a very lonely place if we didn't have the comfort of other people. As I am a young adult learning about relationships, both personal and intimate, it's a harder process than I originally thought.

I remember as a kid growing up, meeting new people was the easiest thing to do, without the fear of rejection. We would hang out all the time; playing baseball or kickball in the backyard, or playing tag in at the local park (which for me and my friends, was mostly Prosperity Heights Elementary School since we weren't allowed to go too far), meeting new people was a cinch. Even though as a group, we allowed new comers into our game. We had a lot of friends.

However, as we grew up, our relationship kept growing apart. A couple years before we moved to Battle Creek, a Walgreens was put in, which my friend's property had to be destroyed to make room. By the time we moved (in 1998), there was no more kids in the area. They moved too far away. We lost contact.

We had to start out fresh in Battle Creek in 1998 to the same problem we had when we moved: there was no other people my (or my brother's) age. It wasn't the easiest thing.

I now realize that as a young adult that meeting new people isn't really that easy. It took me almost 3 years after moving to "come out of my shell" and meet new people. Most of them were people who were my parent's age.

I bring this up because there are certain steps on relationships that need to be developed and I had this problem back then. Do I dare say, even to this day.

As I head into the dating world, there are many things that I'm doing right and doing wrong. One of the things I might be doing wrong is rushing into a relationship. It's been such a long time since the last I've been in a personal relationship with someone (that could also be a factor). One of the problems I have when it comes to meeting new people is initiating conversations with people. It's not the fact that I'm shy (I actually consider myself to be outspoken than what most people realize), but it's hard to find someone who is actually interesting enough to talk to. Although it's not always the case. Usually I'm always on the go so it's hard for me to initiate conversations with people when I have to be at my next destination in X amount of time (including the bus ride to my destination).

When I fist got Facebook a few years ago, I copied this quote and posted it on my "about me" section and it holds very true: As I get to know someone I warm up to them At first, I'm a little cold. Not cold just bland and feeling the person out. But with my friends I'm very open. People I just meet, I'm concerned with their perception of me. Maybe what's a joke to me might not be funny to them. You ever said a joke and people didn't get it? Its like, 'Okkaaaaay' But if your sitting with friends it's hilarious. Sums me up perfectly...

I guess you can say that most of my relationships with people usually don't go past the "experiment" stage. Generally a simple small talk conversation turns into a 20 minute lecture about him/herself, therefore hijacking the conversation and turning me off. However, when using technology (text messaging, instant messaging, e-mail, social networking sites, etc), it helps keep the conversation going, even though you're not seeing each-other face to face. But the big thing with using technology is you can't see the other person's nonverbal reactions, therefore taking the chance to miscommunicate with that other person.

At one point or another, in any relationship, it must intensify. Expressions towards the other person starts to show an become more common. For some people, including me, has a fear of letting the other person know how you feel. Main reasoning for this fear is rejection. Personally, I've been burned by many people after telling them how I feel. It's not a great feeling but it does tell you a lot about the relationship. If he/she says something back, that's nice, than you know it's a true relationship. However, if you get that blank stare from the receiver, than you know that there really wasn't any real relationship between the two of you. As I said, I've been burned by this in the past and I've been able to recover from it.

In the integrating stage, it's a time when individuals give up some characteristics of their old selves and develop shared identities. At this stage, it more becomes "we" instead of "I". This is were couples start sharing commitments with each other (such as spending Thanksgiving or Christmas with one's family). Common property may be designed - our "name your item here". Partners in this stage develop there own little language and their own behaviors towards each other.

During bonding, the parties make symbolic public gestures to show the world that their relationship exists. The common signs are holding hands and holding each others back or putting their arms around each other's neck. Although most same sex bonding doesn't involve hand holding, it may involve putting their arm around your neck, singling a close friendship or a job well done.

Differentiating is the stage where the point where the "we" orientation that has developed shifts, and more "me" messages start to occur. For example, "I need a little time to myself" or "Me and the boys/girls are having a boys/girls night". This is also the stage where stress among the couple starts. Differentiating is often a part of normal relational maintenance, where partners make inevitable changes that come there way.

Circumscribing is the stage where communication between members decreases in quantity and quality. Restrictions and restraints characterize this stage. For example, this is where you are committed to the other person and not allowed to see others.

Stagnating is the stage where the excitement of the relationship is all gone. All the passion and the mysterious of the other person seemed to disappear. This stage just doesn't affect relationships, it also can be used in the work force. I'm in this stage with my job with the City of St. Paul. I feel like it's time to do something different and exciting. Something that will use my skills better.

Avoiding is the stage where parties in a relationship begin to create physical distance between each other. Everyone at one point or another in any relationship has gone through this stage. You can be mad at someone for something he/she did and you'll avoid them for X number of weeks, months, years.

Last but not least, if the relationship (whether it's personal, career partnerships, friendships), it's time to terminate the relationship. There are many ways to end a relationship: telephone or face to face termination are the two best ways to handle terminating a relationship. But there are also different ways off doing it: e-mail, text or instant message, avoidance, note on the table, legal documentation. Sometimes in relationships, you skip most steps and go from initiating & experimenting right to termination if you know it's not going to work out.

As I said in previous blogs, you need to be in a relationship with someone otherwise you'll end up lonely and depressed. No one to talk to, no one to listen to you. It's too hard to imagine what life would be like without relationships with others. Everyone has there ups and downs. You have to make sure that person is taken well cared off and not think about what you want. Relationships are two way streets.

But if they don't work out, like I have experienced numerous times before, you have no choice but to terminate the relationship. There are times that it won't effect you. There are times where it will effect you. But the easiest thing to remember that each and everyone of us will get through it, one way or another.

One of my favorite songs to listen to when I'm down is "Something to Believe In" by Poison. Each and everyone one of us has something to believe in. You have to find what you believe in and make it a reality somehow. Here is the YouTube video to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe71zCA5xFQ

Remember what Red Green says "We're all in this together".

Relationships: How Are They Built?

As I've been on vacation all week - from work and school - there's one thing that comes to mind: Relationships. Relationships with who though? Family? Friends? Other people? It depends on what your talking about.

For this blog, I'll discuss personal relationships and how they form. By all means, I'm no relationship expert (and I won't pretend to be one) but I want to talk about my personal opinion on them. There are many reasons how people form relationships:

Appearance

Many people judge based on how we act and not how we present ourselves, however, it is quite the opposite. Appearance is very important in an early stage of a relationship. I'm amazed that there are people (I won't name names) that dress like crap (meaning wearing the same clothes day after day, wearing their pants half way down their crotch, don't shower on a daily basis) that get into relationships and their boy/girlfriends really don't care.

Often I judge on the basis of appearance. I don't want to be with or around someone who never heard of a shower and/or deodorant. When I walk into the public library or board the bus, the first thing I smell is nasty b/o. My first thought when I approach these people is: they are the type of people who don't care about how they present themselves. I have to put on decent cologne just to get the smell off me. Unfortunately sometimes it doesn't work very well.

My main point is: Dress up nice and take a shower on a daily basis and we'll get along just fine.

Similarity

People like to be with people who are similar to them. It helps each other build the social needs. For example, the more people that person talks to, you can possibly be friends with that person. It's also easier to talk to someone who has the same social skills as you do. It's relatively easy to find out if he/she has the same social skills as you do: talk about sports, what's happening in the world, liking the same social activities, or using or not using alcohol and cigarettes.

But it's also important to meet people who have different likes & dislikes than you. One would think that a relationship would be rather boring if you and others had the exact same likes/dislikes as you do.

Complementary

Differences in relationships strengthen them. Or in another words, when each partner's characteristics satisfy the other's needs. For example, there are some individuals who are more than likely to be attracted to each other when one person is dominate and the other is passive.

Relationships also work better when partners agree that one will control a certain area (the finances) and the other exercises control in different area (house decorations).

Reciprocal Attraction

The power of reciprocal attraction is extremely important in the beginning stages of a relationship. We need to believe that we are attractive in order the other person to believe we're attractive. How are you going to make someone believe that when you yourself doesn't believe it?

People who believe that we are attractive is a rewarding thing. It helps us build our self-esteem, knowing at least one person believes that. This type of approval is a reward in its self, and its also a confirmation that your self-concept says: "I'm a likable person."

We need to believe that in our own hearts before anybody can believe that in their heart.

Competence

Each and everyone of us likes to be around a talented person. Whether it's a musical instrument, art, computer knowledge, business knowledge, or whatever the case may be. The point is everyone has a talent in them and some people don't realize that. If you don't realize it, make a list of all the things you do well and go off that. You maybe surprised on what you might find out about yourself.

But the best way to keep people interested in you is this: Be good at what you do, but admit your mistakes. Otherwise it might sound like your too cocky and arrogant if you don't admit to the mistakes.

Disclosure

How much information do you need to get out? When is the best time to share your feelings? Who should I share them to? Where should I share them? These are some questions that some people ask when they need to talk.

How much info should so share? It depends on the situation. Obviously you don't want to share your whole life's story, otherwise the receiver will get bored rather quickly. Stay on topic of the event.

When is the best time? Generally when you feel like "now's the time." I've been known as a type of person to hold my feelings in until the point of where I'm going to explode. Then again, that's a typically male for you.

Who should I talk to? Talk to someone who is very close to you (spouse, parent, therapist, etc).

Where should I share? In a private place, with no one but the person who is close to you. Never talk in a public space where strangers can hear you. I had this Metro Transit driver talk about how bad his life is. He would talk about it on the bus, in front of the public. Even once got on the loudspeaker, when I was sitting in the back, and told me how bad his life is. Even once he came over to my house to talk about his pathetic life. I was embarrassed on every occasion. Talk about your problems in private, not public.

Proximity

More than likely, we will have relationships with people we see almost on a daily basis. For example, I have developed friendships with several Metro Transit drivers since I have interactions with them on a daily basis (of course, it depends on when they're working).

Rewards

Social scientists have argued that all relationships - interpersonal and personal - are based on a semi-economic model called the social exchange theory. The theory is based on how often we seek out people who gives us the rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them. Rewards maybe intangible (a nice place to live, a high-paying job, etc), but the costs of undesirable also have some outcomes: unpleasant work, emotional pain and the list continues. There is a formula that captures the social exchange theory of why we form and maintain relationships:

Rewards - Costs = Outcome.

Note: Some information came from the book Looking Out, Looking In by Ronald B. Adler & Russell F. Proctor II

Emotions & Listening

I always thought I had pretty good listening and communication skills. Boy was I wrong. Since I decided to take this class, I've learned more about myself than ever before.

For example, I learned more about listening than ever before. I never realized that there is a difference between listening (which occurs when the brain reconstructs electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and then gives them meaning), and hearing (which is the process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted into the brain).

I always knew that listening is a two way street. However, the work you have to put into listening never really occurred to me. There are several elements of the listening process that people have to follow. Hearing (defined as the physiological dimension of listening), attending (defined as the process of filtering out some of the messages and focusing on others, understanding (defined as something that occurs when sense is made of a message), responding (defined as giving observable feedback to the speaker), and remembering (defined as the ability to remember).

I noticed that after reading this chapter, I actually noticed that the way I was communicating changed. I went to a bar with a few friends last night. I actually took the time to listen to what my friends were saying, and then was able to contribute to the conversation appropriately.

But there’s also the emotional side to listening. Everyone from time to time needs someone to talk to. Whether he/she had a bad day at work, or something happened, everyone needs to talk. It’s important to realize that this particular person needs the not only understand you but also support you. Don’t give advice unless he/she asks for it. If you offer advice out of the blue, then he/she might feel more upset. I know the stereotype of “a man always wants to fix things”, so we give advice coming out of the blue. However, as I stated, it’s important to consider the other person’s feelings. I did this when I was younger but I learned how to keep my mouth shut unless someone wants my advice.

Judging is a problem that most everyone has. At one point or another, I have been told “I told you so”, or “Well, you asked for it”. This doesn’t make me feel any better nor should it make the person who said it feel any better. There are times that I deserved it. There’s no question about it. Whenever I did something wrong and I knew it, I deserved “I told you so”. Of course, I raised my hands and said “I know”. Joking aside, no one deserves to hear this kind of judging. We all make mistakes. After all, were human.

At work, I’ve always been open to accept constructive criticism. I try those suggestions and apply them to my work. There’s no question I like this. It tells me what I’m doing wrong and what I’m doing right.

One of the most annoying judging lines I have ever hear is “I’m doing this for your own good.” No your not. You’re only making matters worse by saying that. How are you making it better? If anything, you are putting me down even more. This is often used as a weapon and often not being helpful.

Gender has a big influence on listening. As I mentioned above, men tend to “fix the problem” while women are more supportive when listening to another’s problem.

Even with my new found knowledge, this is going to take some practice. There are several techniques that were featured in the chapter that I haven’t either tried or need extreme practice.

Nonverbal Communication: Your talking when your not talking

One of my favorite movies is the 2005 hit Hitch, starring Will Smith, Eva Mendes and Kevin James. In the beginning of the movie, Alex Hitchens (Smith) says: 60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Is it true? I would say "Yes."


As someone who takes all my classes online, that leaves me plenty of time to do more things. I have more opprotunities to have lunch with friends and family. I can do more of my personal things. I study whenever I want. I can work more hours.


But one of the things I see everytime I head out of the house in the morning and to the point where I'm ready to retire for the evening, is seeing different types of people. From homeless people looking for spare change outsideto CEOs walking gthe skyway systems of Downtown St. Paul and Minneapolis. Everybody's got something to say, even when you are not saying anything verbally.


The way we walk, to the way we dance, to the way we dress ourselves, to the way we sit says something about us or the music we listen to. Let's talk about me and those five things I just listed.


The Way We Walk

More ways than anything, I walk like a hunchback. Mainly because I am carrying a 500 pound backpack on my back, which is causing me to do that. Okay I'm exagerating about the 500 pounds but as a college student, it surely feels like that, especially since I carry everything with me in my backpack. Mainly I carry textbooks, bus schedules, pens/pencles, a mimi stapler, paper, some asprin for headaches, and other small stuff (like my camera, iPod, cords and the list goes on). I also carry a second bad, which has my Macintosh laptop, notepads and folders. While I make every attempt to carry light, sometimes it doesn't work out well.


It's because of my "hunchback" problems, it's caused me to look down, instead of up. It makes me look like I'm having a bad day. Depressed. When in truth, it's because of my heavy backpack that's making me look like that. When I walk straight and look confident, my backs hurts like no other. So again, I have to walk looking down.


I bought a new computer bag, so hopefully it will help me, not only look more confident when I walk, but saves me from having back surgery in the next couple years.


The Way We Dance

I'm going to admit this right away: I can't dance. Because I'm so bad at it, I have to have a couple of drinks in my system so the memory of it is short lived. When I hit the dance floor, I just go out and basically just wing it. The way you dance also releases nonverbal communication about yourself.


By the way, if you want to see how I dance, I pulled this YouTube video. This this how Kevin James danced in the movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py5qAH7wELY


Do women relate dacing to sex, I sincerly hope not otherwise I might be completly out of luck.
:-)


But I suppose danicng is all about taking a risk, and having fun, as in towards the end of the move. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEsi-eWtBdY


The Way We Dress

I am not a suit and tie type of person. I have always been more of a casual dresser: nice shirt, jeans and casual shoes. And if the situation warents, a sports jacket. Usually when I see people wearing this type of clothing, it usually means that person is laid back and easy going, where as you see people with suits, you assume that they have what everyone wants: Power and money. I try to stay away from people who have this type of power knowing, that I may not be "in their league" to say the least.


When I walk down the street, I see people wearing different kinds of clothes. Bu they can tell you about their personality. For example, when you see girls who reveal too much of themselves or when guys have their pants down well below the waist (sagging pants). Which are most commonly the cops' best friends because in a running chase, their pants fall and the police gets you right away because you're to busy trying to pull your pants back up.


The Way We Sit

When I'm on the bus, sitting on the computer at the library or at work, or when I'm with someone, I try to sit up straight, feet on the grond, looking like I'm trying to say "I'm confident." But there's people who don't really care about their posture. I see people on the bus who sit sideways, or sliding off the seat. That usually tells me that their laid back, but don't want anyone to approch them.


The Music We Listen To
The music we listen to also says something about us. There are many types of music that people listen to. From easy listening to heavy rock and rap, it tells us something. Personally, I like to listen to more upbeat music in the morning and more softer music at night.


I know there are many more types but I just wanted to comment on the most frequent ones. Now if you excuse me, I have to practice dancing so one day I can do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwBbMXYDsXw

Top 10 Reasons To Smile

While I was typing that last blog, I came across what smiling can do to you. I found this on Facebook and thought I would post it and then maybe everyone could benefit from it.

Top 10 reasons to Smile:

Smiling is a great way to make yourself stand out while helping your body to function better. Smile to improve your health, your stress level, and your attractiveness.

1. Smiling makes us attractive.
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in.

2. Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action.

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.

9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful
Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.

10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It's hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that "Life is Good!" Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.

Do Men & Women Speak a Different Language?

As I continue to go grow up in this world and soon to be involved in that thing that people call the "real world", the question I keep asking myself is: Do men and women speak a different language? I'm not an expert and I'm not going to pretend that I am one, but I will offer my two cents about the subject.

Language Between Each Other

As I continue down the path of life, I couldn't help to notice that even though we speak the same language (whether that's English, Spanish or whatever language you speak), it's our personalities that make up for that language barrier between both sexes. For instance, women have been to be more emotional, thinking that releasing emotions makes them stronger whereas men tend to hold their emotions in, thinking that showing any kind of emotion is weak. Women are more open and men are more closed. However when men show emotion, women don't give advise or tell them what they need to do whereas when women show emotion, men offer them advise or tell them what to do, when in most cases, women just need to vent and listened to instead of talked to.

Relationships

We all need in a relationship of some-sort with one-another. Each and everyone of us needs to be social with another human being otherwise, there's no point of life. But in those relationships, especially personal relationships, we need to communicate with one-another. Boyfriends/husbands and girlfriends/wives need to communication with each other otherwise the lack trust will exist.

But how would you be able to do that? You need to find someone that you are compatible with. But as I've been noticing, trying to find someone myself, is you need to know about yourself before you are allowed to know someone else. Confidence is a big thing among everyone looking for someone. Without it, you are not going to get very far. No relationship with anyone, no job. Nothing.

Another language barrier is the risk of rejection. In this society, men are required to make the "first move" when approaching a woman. However, if your wondering why he isn't approaching you (and you know there are mutual feelings), it might be because of the fact that he is scared of rejection. Personally I've been there. I think all men have been there. You see a woman you like and she likes you back but don't do anything about because of the fear of rejection. Kind of reminds me of the song by Young M.C. called "Bust a Move". Basically it tells of a story of a guy who is having trouble impressing the ladies. Later, towards the end, the guy gets his wish and gets a girl. It actually is one of my favorite songs.

Want a cure so you don't get rejected, I may have a solution. When I worked at Northwest Como Recreation Center in their S'more Fun program, I noticed is that the kids had no problems communicating with each other. No one got rejected because of gender he/she is, what game was being played and so on. Maybe that's what we should do. Pretend we are children so we can communicate easier, but acting our age while doing so? Hmm. I wish I would have tried that before leaving. I worked with a group of females. I was the only male so it made it harder for me to be there.

I don't know if that actually would work. I guess I'm just talking. But I suppose that if we are calm, confident and know who we are, we shouldn't have a problem communicating with one another.