Date of meeting: June 27th, 2009
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom in D2L
Time of meeting: 11:56am - 2:30pm
Names of members present: Jason Nesler, Kristen Underhill, Kevin Jack, Nate Anderson , & Amy Sanders Names of members absent: All Present
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
For this special meeting, we focused on the final project. It was a rainy Saturday afternoon, so it made it easier on us to sit on the computer to work. We started just to have a little conversation amongst ourselves. As I said in an earlier blog, we started to open up more a little bit as we got to know each other.
As soon as everyone arrived, that's when we got down to business. We started with the roles each and everyone played. I noticed that I kind of hung back of this question. Even though I've noticed through out the class (and in groups/teams in general), I tend to be more of a follower than a leader. I've always been the laid back type of person, who only talked when I needed to. When I'm outside of class or work, I tend to be more of a leader. Since I spend a lot of time roaming the streets of the Twin Cities, I tend to know more about what's happening around town. But I will admit that I have my times that I'm a follower. Going back to groups inside of school or the workplace, I like to avoid conflict as much as I can, hence why I don't get involved unless if I have to.
Speaking of conflict, we all agreed that there wasn't very much conflict within the group. We knew that time was our enemy and wouldn't have time to do things if we had conflict all the time. While we knew that conflicts is a normal thing in life, we worked everything out to make sure that our goal was met: Getting the assignments done. But I will admit that there was a little conflict amongst the group but it was easily resolved. The part about wanting to do the discussion questions BEFORE talking about the final project still upsets me (it was mentioned in a previous blog). Again, I just went with the flow of things. One of the biggest things that we agreed on regarding conflict was the environment that we were in. As I said in my first blog, this was the first time I used the chat feature on D2L. To be honest, I wasn't a big fan of it. More than often, we would have the problem of trying to move on to a different topic but after that's introduced, the previous conversation continues. A lot of times, I got confused on topics, especially in an online environment. It's often difficult to monitor other people's nonverbal communication in online environment. Trust me. I've gotten people mad at me or I've gotten mad at people because of what was said in an online posting. We didn't have that problem here all that much (everything was pretty much straight forward) but I'm just making a point of what can happen in any kind of online environment. Personally, I wanted to use that web program that we were supposed to use.
We talked about how everyone made some sacrifices to meet at least once a week. Since we all have busy schedules (some work during the day, some work during the evening/night, have classes, etc), we did a very good job making concessions in order to meet together. At first, we were skeptical on Wednesday nights. Two people had to work during the evenings and 2 others worked during the day (I got my work hours cut on Wednesdays so I was available all day). We used e-mail, the D2L chat room and discussion boards as our main ways to communicate with everyone.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Reflection 7
Date of meeting: June 24st, 2009
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom in D2L
Time of meeting: 5:25pm - 7:10pm
Names of members present: Jason Nesler, Kristen Underhill, Kevin Jack, Nate Anderson , & Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: All Present
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
For the most part, we talked about the discussion questions and the final group project. One thing I've been noticing as we go through the weeks is that were starting to discuss a little bit more about us. In the past, we went right into the task at hand but now, we always start by talking about our weekend or what's happening in our lives.
I thought it was rather strange that the group wanted to discuss the discussion questions BEFORE talking about the final project. People were thinking that we had two weeks to work on the project. I brought up the fact that it was due a week from Thursday, July 2nd. However, everyone seemed eager to discuss the questions before talking about the project. Whatever the case might be, it was strange that everyone wanted to discuss the questions before the project, knowing full well that it was due in just over a week.
Be that as it may, as usual, we agreed on who should be laid off. We based the information on who should get cut on performance and attendance. Madeline seemed have have both those problems. She was calling in sick way too often and had the most customer complaints amongst the work group. We thought of others, like Antonio for example but it was determined by this group that Madeline should be the one to go.
After discussing that we talked about what made a great leader. We all agreed over what should make a great leader.
This meeting was a relatively smooth (and short) meeting. One thing that I've been noticing that we have been agreeing on everything. I believe that with time constraints, we worked together to have our points made, but made them so they would agree with everyone. Another point that I would like to make (and I made it at the beginning of the blog) is that we decided we do something that we can already discuss on the boards but didn't talk about the most important thing: The final project.
We made an appointment to meet again on Saturday afternoon at noon to discuss the final project.
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom in D2L
Time of meeting: 5:25pm - 7:10pm
Names of members present: Jason Nesler, Kristen Underhill, Kevin Jack, Nate Anderson , & Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: All Present
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
For the most part, we talked about the discussion questions and the final group project. One thing I've been noticing as we go through the weeks is that were starting to discuss a little bit more about us. In the past, we went right into the task at hand but now, we always start by talking about our weekend or what's happening in our lives.
I thought it was rather strange that the group wanted to discuss the discussion questions BEFORE talking about the final project. People were thinking that we had two weeks to work on the project. I brought up the fact that it was due a week from Thursday, July 2nd. However, everyone seemed eager to discuss the questions before talking about the project. Whatever the case might be, it was strange that everyone wanted to discuss the questions before the project, knowing full well that it was due in just over a week.
Be that as it may, as usual, we agreed on who should be laid off. We based the information on who should get cut on performance and attendance. Madeline seemed have have both those problems. She was calling in sick way too often and had the most customer complaints amongst the work group. We thought of others, like Antonio for example but it was determined by this group that Madeline should be the one to go.
After discussing that we talked about what made a great leader. We all agreed over what should make a great leader.
This meeting was a relatively smooth (and short) meeting. One thing that I've been noticing that we have been agreeing on everything. I believe that with time constraints, we worked together to have our points made, but made them so they would agree with everyone. Another point that I would like to make (and I made it at the beginning of the blog) is that we decided we do something that we can already discuss on the boards but didn't talk about the most important thing: The final project.
We made an appointment to meet again on Saturday afternoon at noon to discuss the final project.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Reflection 6
Date of meeting: June 21st, 2009
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom in D2L
Time of meeting: 11:57am - 1:00pm
Names of members present: Jason Nesler, Kristen Underhill, Kevin Jack, & Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: Nate Anderson
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
This was a special meeting for us to meet to discuss the Survivor project. Jason e-mailed us earlier in the morning about his thoughts to parts 2 and 3. We discussed how were setting up the paper. We decided to go with Intro, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and conclusion.
Everyone thought the work Nate & I did on part 2 from the previous day was good. So we went with what was on the chat room from the previous day. Part 2 competed.
Then we switched topics yet again. This time it was to figure out the whereabouts of Nate. No one had any idea where he was. He was MIA (missing in action). Then we talked about our summer classes and who is taking what, whens the start date and finish date. Then we went back to the task at hand about Survivor. Again, I'm seeing the norm of the group. Switching topics that has nothing to do with the task at hand.
Back to Survivor. We had a hard time coming up with more characteristics of the people participating in the show. We got a little confused regarding whether or not Part 2 got finished from the previous day. This was my fault. I may have misunderstood the question whether or not part 2 was complete. That I backed tracked and said it was done, but feel free to make any changes to it. However, when Amy asked "we need to finish part 2 right kevin", I responded by saying "um... I don't think so but you can add to it if you need to". I think part of the problem was we were typing at the same moment and everything got a little confused amoung the others. Therefore, Amy thought part 2 wasn't complete. A little misunderstanding in the part of the chat room. We all got a little confused. But we figured it all out!!!!
At that point, we detirmened who was going to put the paper together and who was going to turn it in.
Besides the little confusion in the group regarding part 2, we seemed to figure out who was going to do what, when it needed to be turned in and how it was going to be presented.
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom in D2L
Time of meeting: 11:57am - 1:00pm
Names of members present: Jason Nesler, Kristen Underhill, Kevin Jack, & Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: Nate Anderson
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
This was a special meeting for us to meet to discuss the Survivor project. Jason e-mailed us earlier in the morning about his thoughts to parts 2 and 3. We discussed how were setting up the paper. We decided to go with Intro, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and conclusion.
Everyone thought the work Nate & I did on part 2 from the previous day was good. So we went with what was on the chat room from the previous day. Part 2 competed.
Then we switched topics yet again. This time it was to figure out the whereabouts of Nate. No one had any idea where he was. He was MIA (missing in action). Then we talked about our summer classes and who is taking what, whens the start date and finish date. Then we went back to the task at hand about Survivor. Again, I'm seeing the norm of the group. Switching topics that has nothing to do with the task at hand.
Back to Survivor. We had a hard time coming up with more characteristics of the people participating in the show. We got a little confused regarding whether or not Part 2 got finished from the previous day. This was my fault. I may have misunderstood the question whether or not part 2 was complete. That I backed tracked and said it was done, but feel free to make any changes to it. However, when Amy asked "we need to finish part 2 right kevin", I responded by saying "um... I don't think so but you can add to it if you need to". I think part of the problem was we were typing at the same moment and everything got a little confused amoung the others. Therefore, Amy thought part 2 wasn't complete. A little misunderstanding in the part of the chat room. We all got a little confused. But we figured it all out!!!!
At that point, we detirmened who was going to put the paper together and who was going to turn it in.
Besides the little confusion in the group regarding part 2, we seemed to figure out who was going to do what, when it needed to be turned in and how it was going to be presented.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Reflection 5
Date of meeting: June 20th, 2009
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom on D2L
Time of meeting: 10:59am - 12:50pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack & Nate Anderson
Names of members absent: Amy Sanders, Kristen Underall & Jason Nesler
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
This was an optional meeting to discuss the paper for the Survivor project. Some people had committed obligations (work, weddings, ect). Nate & myself discussed part 2 of the assignment.
We started to discuss Maslow's theory of interpersonal needs and how it affects the tribe members. We agreed that the Fang tribe wasn't meeting the theory. They were not able to get past the first, most basic physiological need. Afterwards, I thought it was a good idea to put in the paper what Maslow's theory actually is. We thought it was a good idea to include that in the introduction of the paper.
I talked about how the theory affected Kota. Nate thought that "applying the theory to the Kota tribe we can see that they have satisfied many of their needs".
While Nate was working on that statement, I was working on the introduction of the paper. I worked on the groupthink section. I thought groupthink was happening with the Fang tribe. They had more conflict with that tribe, were attempting to finish the challenges as quickly as possible.
Because of a prior commitment, I had to leave at this point. We got through part 2, even when we thought we would at the very least start it.
All we did for this meeting was discuss Survivor. Not once did we change the subject for any reason. We waited until the very end to get the last minute announcements for the group.
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom on D2L
Time of meeting: 10:59am - 12:50pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack & Nate Anderson
Names of members absent: Amy Sanders, Kristen Underall & Jason Nesler
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
This was an optional meeting to discuss the paper for the Survivor project. Some people had committed obligations (work, weddings, ect). Nate & myself discussed part 2 of the assignment.
We started to discuss Maslow's theory of interpersonal needs and how it affects the tribe members. We agreed that the Fang tribe wasn't meeting the theory. They were not able to get past the first, most basic physiological need. Afterwards, I thought it was a good idea to put in the paper what Maslow's theory actually is. We thought it was a good idea to include that in the introduction of the paper.
I talked about how the theory affected Kota. Nate thought that "applying the theory to the Kota tribe we can see that they have satisfied many of their needs".
While Nate was working on that statement, I was working on the introduction of the paper. I worked on the groupthink section. I thought groupthink was happening with the Fang tribe. They had more conflict with that tribe, were attempting to finish the challenges as quickly as possible.
Because of a prior commitment, I had to leave at this point. We got through part 2, even when we thought we would at the very least start it.
All we did for this meeting was discuss Survivor. Not once did we change the subject for any reason. We waited until the very end to get the last minute announcements for the group.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Reflection 4
Date of meeting: June 17th, 2009
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom on D2L
Time of meeting: 5:18pm - 8:30pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack, Nate Anderson, Kristen Underhill, Jason Nesler & Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: No one absent
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
Some of us had had some computer problems at this meeting. One couldn't watch episodes 3 & 4 and one had severe computer problems. Part of the reason for this was D2L wasn't functioning properly. Several times I had to leave the chat to refresh the D2L page but at times, I kept getting error messages.
Throughout the entire meeting, we talked Survivor. We talked about the tribes and the individuals in the tribes. We agreed on most individuals and their personalities. We really didn't disagree on any of the individuals on the tribes since we all saw the same thing coming from the tribes. In the middle of the chat (again), we switched topics. This is starting to be the norm of the group - switching topics and going back.
We determined that we needed to meet again. We picked 12:00pm on Sunday, 6/21. I told the group that I maybe late by a couple minutes since I was attending the meeting from the library and the library didn't open until 12:00pm on the dot. Then we went back to discussion the characters on Survivor (back to our regularly scheduled chat).
Back to Survivor. While discussing the characters or actors, we seemed to agree on mostly everyone. We went in order based on the actor's first name. After discussing someone for a little bit, someone decided to move on to the next person. And agreed... and agreed... and agreed. No one really took the "devil's advocate" role and disagreed with the other group member (meaning enrolled in the class, not the tribe).
Amy & Jason left the meeting early since both had to get ready for work; therefore leaving Kristen, Nate & myself discussing what to do next. Due to the fact that the project was due on Monday and that left us with very little time, I thought that meeting Sunday might be crunching it a little bit and I suggested an optional meeting on Saturday to discuss part 2. Kristen mentioned in the chat that her sister was getting married and was in the wedding itself and wouldn't be available to attend. Sunday we would finalize part 3 & the paper.
After the meeting, I sent out an e-mail that stated:
All,
We decided to split Part 1 in groups of 3s or 4s. According to the description of the assignment, we're supposed to: Describe roles, values, needs, behaviors, types of messages sent, and so forth. Below is what we decided on who should cover who.
1 - Ace, Bob, Charlie (Kristen)
2 - Corinne, Crystal, Dan (Nate)
3 - Danny/GC, Gillian, Jacquie (Amy)
4 - Kelly, Ken, Marcus, Matty (Jason)
5 - Michelle, Paloma, Randy, Susie (Kevin)
Amy and Jason, can you please e-mail the group by Friday on your thoughts and ideas about Parts 2 & 3?
This is just a reminder that we will meet in the D2L chat room Sunday, 6/21 (the first day of summer and Father's Day!!!) at noon. There will be an optional meeting on Saturday, 6/20 at 11:00am. Amy & Jason, can you join Nate & myself? We'll be discussing part 2 on Saturday and finalizing part 2 & discuss part 3 on Sunday. Kristen won't be joining us on Saturday since she has a wedding to attend.
Remember to post your discussions on the board, especially 8a, the case study question.
Thanks and have a great rest of the week and "see" you this weekend!!!! :)
Kevin
We didn't have time to discuss the case study since it was getting to be too late. It was easier to discussion on the boards instead of wasting more time.
This meeting went a little too long. Almost a 3 hour meeting, when in previous meetings, they lasted an hour to an hour and a half. While I don't mind these types of meetings, I can't be starring into a computer screen (and sitting for 3 hours straight). I start to get a little antsy sitting down for an extended amount of time, without some type of break.
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom on D2L
Time of meeting: 5:18pm - 8:30pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack, Nate Anderson, Kristen Underhill, Jason Nesler & Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: No one absent
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
Some of us had had some computer problems at this meeting. One couldn't watch episodes 3 & 4 and one had severe computer problems. Part of the reason for this was D2L wasn't functioning properly. Several times I had to leave the chat to refresh the D2L page but at times, I kept getting error messages.
Throughout the entire meeting, we talked Survivor. We talked about the tribes and the individuals in the tribes. We agreed on most individuals and their personalities. We really didn't disagree on any of the individuals on the tribes since we all saw the same thing coming from the tribes. In the middle of the chat (again), we switched topics. This is starting to be the norm of the group - switching topics and going back.
We determined that we needed to meet again. We picked 12:00pm on Sunday, 6/21. I told the group that I maybe late by a couple minutes since I was attending the meeting from the library and the library didn't open until 12:00pm on the dot. Then we went back to discussion the characters on Survivor (back to our regularly scheduled chat).
Back to Survivor. While discussing the characters or actors, we seemed to agree on mostly everyone. We went in order based on the actor's first name. After discussing someone for a little bit, someone decided to move on to the next person. And agreed... and agreed... and agreed. No one really took the "devil's advocate" role and disagreed with the other group member (meaning enrolled in the class, not the tribe).
Amy & Jason left the meeting early since both had to get ready for work; therefore leaving Kristen, Nate & myself discussing what to do next. Due to the fact that the project was due on Monday and that left us with very little time, I thought that meeting Sunday might be crunching it a little bit and I suggested an optional meeting on Saturday to discuss part 2. Kristen mentioned in the chat that her sister was getting married and was in the wedding itself and wouldn't be available to attend. Sunday we would finalize part 3 & the paper.
After the meeting, I sent out an e-mail that stated:
All,
We decided to split Part 1 in groups of 3s or 4s. According to the description of the assignment, we're supposed to: Describe roles, values, needs, behaviors, types of messages sent, and so forth. Below is what we decided on who should cover who.
1 - Ace, Bob, Charlie (Kristen)
2 - Corinne, Crystal, Dan (Nate)
3 - Danny/GC, Gillian, Jacquie (Amy)
4 - Kelly, Ken, Marcus, Matty (Jason)
5 - Michelle, Paloma, Randy, Susie (Kevin)
Amy and Jason, can you please e-mail the group by Friday on your thoughts and ideas about Parts 2 & 3?
This is just a reminder that we will meet in the D2L chat room Sunday, 6/21 (the first day of summer and Father's Day!!!) at noon. There will be an optional meeting on Saturday, 6/20 at 11:00am. Amy & Jason, can you join Nate & myself? We'll be discussing part 2 on Saturday and finalizing part 2 & discuss part 3 on Sunday. Kristen won't be joining us on Saturday since she has a wedding to attend.
Remember to post your discussions on the board, especially 8a, the case study question.
Thanks and have a great rest of the week and "see" you this weekend!!!! :)
Kevin
We didn't have time to discuss the case study since it was getting to be too late. It was easier to discussion on the boards instead of wasting more time.
This meeting went a little too long. Almost a 3 hour meeting, when in previous meetings, they lasted an hour to an hour and a half. While I don't mind these types of meetings, I can't be starring into a computer screen (and sitting for 3 hours straight). I start to get a little antsy sitting down for an extended amount of time, without some type of break.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Reflection 3
Date of meeting: June 10th, 2009
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom on D2L
Time of meeting: 5:19pm - 7:20pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack, Amy Sanders, Kristen Underhill, Nate Anderson & Jason Nesler
Names of members absent: No one was absent
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
Location of meeting: Group 3 Chatroom on D2L
Time of meeting: 5:19pm - 7:20pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack, Amy Sanders, Kristen Underhill, Nate Anderson & Jason Nesler
Names of members absent: No one was absent
Names of any guests attending: No Guests
We started out the meeting talking about how far we got into Survivor Season 17. Amy, Kristen & I are on episode 4, and Nate is up to episode 5. It was determined that Amy watched the wrong season of Survivor. She was watching the episodes of when they were in Brazil, while the others were watching Gabon. However, no one really seemed to like Survivor. All of the sudden, we started to talk about the discussion board and the case study.
When we discussed the case study, we each took a certain section of the assignment to talk about it. This case study focused on nonverbal communication and how it can effect one's communication with another. We were going to answer each scene individually (for example, we all answer 1, then go back to the original scene and talk about 2 and so on). Then I came up with the idea that we should answer all the questions about that particular scene. Everyone was in favor of that idea.
Regarding the scenes, it was almost difficult to answer any of these questions without knowing the proper body movements of each scene. Some of them were self explanatory (for example, #2). We all know what happens when a girl asks a question about herself and a boy answers by going "uhhhhhhhh". I wouldn't be caught dead saying this to a girl. It was easy for us to agree on the consequences of uhhhhhhhhh.
Throughout the rest of the case study, we agreed on almost everything. No one really took an argumentive voice throughout the remainder of the meeting.
At the very end, we started to talk about the Survivor project once again. We were having some problems trying to come up with who is doing who, and who is doing what. We were going to e-mail everyone our notes from Survivor but we never did that.
One thing I've been noticing about these chats is that we are going back and forth on topics. For example, this chat, we started to talk about Survivor, then all of the sudden changed subjects to the discussion board and the case study and back to Survivor. I keep hoping we stick to one topic and not change in the middle of something. That's really poor planning on people's parts.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Reflection 2
Date of meeting: Thursday, June 4th
Location of meeting: I was sitting on my home computer
Time of meeting: 5:17pm - 6:51pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack, Nate Anderson, Kristen Underhill, Jason Nesler and Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: Everyone was present
Names of any guests attending: No guests
We had to change dates for groups. When Amy and I first met, we agreed to meet Monday and Wednesday mornings at 10:00am. However, just has that happened we had to change groups. Amy & I stayed in group 3 while we got 3 new people. We ended up at square 1. For the next few days, we had to rearrange our schedules to accommodate everyone. The previous group (the three that entered out group) agreed to meet on Wednesdays at 5:30pm. I agreed to it. I said that I could Monday - Friday mornings and Wednesday and Thursday evenings since I normally don't work those two evenings. Amy had to change her schedule a little bit. So we agreed Wednesdays at 5:30pm. For this week, we had to move it to Thursday at 5:30 since I had a previous appointment I had to be at that evening.
Due to time constraints (Amy had to leave at 6:00 central time since she had to get ready for work), we started to discuss the Survivor project. It turns out that no one really watches that show. So we decided to go with the one that was posted on D2L (season 17). Unfortunately we had problems trying to watch the video since it was all clips, and not the full episodes.
After discussing what we were going to do, we went on to the case study. But before that, we discussed who was going to do the summery for the week. Now back to the case study. We agreed that the norms to the group listening to the presentation were: casual, casual dress and drinking wine. However, the "friends" presenting were just a little off. First, they showed up on time (when normally they're 30 minutes late), dressed in professional clothes when normally they were jeans and making a business like presentation. The following violations happened: Free speaking (the friend told his friend to hold all questions until the end), didn't tell the consumers what company they were working for, treating these people like strangers instead of friends and brought in props. But more importantly, when criticized, George and Margret took it the wrong way. Friends can handle other friend's criticism. They went the wrong way about that.
We all agreed that we saw no supportive communication at all. There was a little spontantaneity at the beginning (calling the friends about the business opportunity) but after that, we didn't see much of anything. It all went downhill afterwards. We also agreed that there was a little group cohesiveness but was lost when the norms started to break. There was also discomfirming responses, impersonal responses, a trangential response. Then we discussed how these four could over come their conflict. We agreed that the author and his wife may have over reacted to some of the conflict. We discussed how George and Margret could have had presented themselves a little bit better and stop trying so hard to make a sale, but more importantly, stop being secrative towards the company. Other people might think it's a scam.
Basically in this case study, we mainly just discussed it. We pretty much agreed on everything. I think we did that because it was our first time as a group and didn't know each other. I'm sure as we go further into the semester and have more meetings, we will have more more arguable discussion where people are going to agree and disagree. We ended the meeting by agreeing to meet on Wednesday at 5:30pm.
Location of meeting: I was sitting on my home computer
Time of meeting: 5:17pm - 6:51pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack, Nate Anderson, Kristen Underhill, Jason Nesler and Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: Everyone was present
Names of any guests attending: No guests
We had to change dates for groups. When Amy and I first met, we agreed to meet Monday and Wednesday mornings at 10:00am. However, just has that happened we had to change groups. Amy & I stayed in group 3 while we got 3 new people. We ended up at square 1. For the next few days, we had to rearrange our schedules to accommodate everyone. The previous group (the three that entered out group) agreed to meet on Wednesdays at 5:30pm. I agreed to it. I said that I could Monday - Friday mornings and Wednesday and Thursday evenings since I normally don't work those two evenings. Amy had to change her schedule a little bit. So we agreed Wednesdays at 5:30pm. For this week, we had to move it to Thursday at 5:30 since I had a previous appointment I had to be at that evening.
Due to time constraints (Amy had to leave at 6:00 central time since she had to get ready for work), we started to discuss the Survivor project. It turns out that no one really watches that show. So we decided to go with the one that was posted on D2L (season 17). Unfortunately we had problems trying to watch the video since it was all clips, and not the full episodes.
After discussing what we were going to do, we went on to the case study. But before that, we discussed who was going to do the summery for the week. Now back to the case study. We agreed that the norms to the group listening to the presentation were: casual, casual dress and drinking wine. However, the "friends" presenting were just a little off. First, they showed up on time (when normally they're 30 minutes late), dressed in professional clothes when normally they were jeans and making a business like presentation. The following violations happened: Free speaking (the friend told his friend to hold all questions until the end), didn't tell the consumers what company they were working for, treating these people like strangers instead of friends and brought in props. But more importantly, when criticized, George and Margret took it the wrong way. Friends can handle other friend's criticism. They went the wrong way about that.
We all agreed that we saw no supportive communication at all. There was a little spontantaneity at the beginning (calling the friends about the business opportunity) but after that, we didn't see much of anything. It all went downhill afterwards. We also agreed that there was a little group cohesiveness but was lost when the norms started to break. There was also discomfirming responses, impersonal responses, a trangential response. Then we discussed how these four could over come their conflict. We agreed that the author and his wife may have over reacted to some of the conflict. We discussed how George and Margret could have had presented themselves a little bit better and stop trying so hard to make a sale, but more importantly, stop being secrative towards the company. Other people might think it's a scam.
Basically in this case study, we mainly just discussed it. We pretty much agreed on everything. I think we did that because it was our first time as a group and didn't know each other. I'm sure as we go further into the semester and have more meetings, we will have more more arguable discussion where people are going to agree and disagree. We ended the meeting by agreeing to meet on Wednesday at 5:30pm.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Reflection 1
Date of meeting: Saturday, May 30th
Location of meeting: I was sitting at Caribou Coffee inside Maplewood Mall
Time of meeting – note both beginning and ending times: 1:18pm - 2:40pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack & Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: Nathaniel Anderson & Benjamin Neibaur
Names of any guests attending: None
Since this was our first meeting, Amy & I talked about each other. As a get to know each other type of meeting. We discussed what our name for the group is (Against the Flow). Since neither of us had a good idea, we had to consult the Internet for this.
It was determined that no one had the same agenda, instead using the group for their own personal reasons. It was the group's main conflict. Thurman would have made a good leader since he has the need for control. Marmalde would have made the most trouble since he was brought into the group for the wrong reasons, and not to mention didn't have any interest in the group (he was brought into to the church just to do odd jobs).
Then we discussed who was going to do the summaries for the week. And made the decision to add more to the discussion boards.
As I mentioned at the beginning, we took it easy on this meeting. Prior to chatting on the chat board, it was our first times using the chat feature of D2L. I've took many classes online in the past but my first time chatting live. I'm used to chatting on the discussion boards. Amy was inexperienced in this type of environment. It made it easier on both of us knowing how inexperienced we are when it comes to certain features of D2L. This was easy for both of us. It helped us to get to know each other a little bit and the communication was very easy. It will be interesting to see how this works in the future with our new group members joining our group. In addition, it was determined that we would more than likely be using the chat room instead of the webcam feature.
Location of meeting: I was sitting at Caribou Coffee inside Maplewood Mall
Time of meeting – note both beginning and ending times: 1:18pm - 2:40pm
Names of members present: Kevin Jack & Amy Sanders
Names of members absent: Nathaniel Anderson & Benjamin Neibaur
Names of any guests attending: None
Since this was our first meeting, Amy & I talked about each other. As a get to know each other type of meeting. We discussed what our name for the group is (Against the Flow). Since neither of us had a good idea, we had to consult the Internet for this.
It was determined that no one had the same agenda, instead using the group for their own personal reasons. It was the group's main conflict. Thurman would have made a good leader since he has the need for control. Marmalde would have made the most trouble since he was brought into the group for the wrong reasons, and not to mention didn't have any interest in the group (he was brought into to the church just to do odd jobs).
Then we discussed who was going to do the summaries for the week. And made the decision to add more to the discussion boards.
As I mentioned at the beginning, we took it easy on this meeting. Prior to chatting on the chat board, it was our first times using the chat feature of D2L. I've took many classes online in the past but my first time chatting live. I'm used to chatting on the discussion boards. Amy was inexperienced in this type of environment. It made it easier on both of us knowing how inexperienced we are when it comes to certain features of D2L. This was easy for both of us. It helped us to get to know each other a little bit and the communication was very easy. It will be interesting to see how this works in the future with our new group members joining our group. In addition, it was determined that we would more than likely be using the chat room instead of the webcam feature.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
You know you are Minnesotan when....
Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota:
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nightsEach year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",
You might live in Minnesota.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
You might live in Pine River Minnesota.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
You might live in Minnesota.
If your dad's (or husband's) suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Minnesota.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you know how to say...Wayzata...Mahtomedi.....Cloquet . Edina ...and Shakopee,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,
You might live in Minnesota.
If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,
You might live in Minnesota.
You measure distance in hours,
You might live in Minnesota.
You know several people, who have hit deer more than once,
You might live in Minnesota.
You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,
You might live in Minnesota.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snowDuring a raging blizzard without flinching,
You might live in Minnesota.
You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Minnesota.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,
You might live in Minnesota.
You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison,
You might live in Minnesota.
There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time,
You might live in Brainerd, Minnesota.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Minnesota.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Minnesota.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction,
You might live in Minnesota.
You can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Minnesota.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce,
You might live in Minnesota .
If "Down South" to you means Iowa,
You might live in Minnesota.
You know "a brat" is something you eat,
You might live in Minnesota.
You find -10 degrees "a little chilly",
You might live in Minnesota .
And thanks to Jerome for this one: IF YOUR US SENATE RACE GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND.........
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nightsEach year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",
You might live in Minnesota.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
You might live in Pine River Minnesota.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
You might live in Minnesota.
If your dad's (or husband's) suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You might live in Minnesota.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you know how to say...Wayzata...Mahtomedi.....Cloquet . Edina ...and Shakopee,
You might live in Minnesota.
If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,
You might live in Minnesota.
If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,
You might live in Minnesota.
You measure distance in hours,
You might live in Minnesota.
You know several people, who have hit deer more than once,
You might live in Minnesota.
You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,
You might live in Minnesota.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snowDuring a raging blizzard without flinching,
You might live in Minnesota.
You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,
You might live in Minnesota.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,
You might live in Minnesota.
You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison,
You might live in Minnesota.
There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time,
You might live in Brainerd, Minnesota.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
You might live in Minnesota.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
You might live in Minnesota.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction,
You might live in Minnesota.
You can identify a southern or eastern accent,
You might live in Minnesota.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce,
You might live in Minnesota .
If "Down South" to you means Iowa,
You might live in Minnesota.
You know "a brat" is something you eat,
You might live in Minnesota.
You find -10 degrees "a little chilly",
You might live in Minnesota .
And thanks to Jerome for this one: IF YOUR US SENATE RACE GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND.........
Sunday, May 10, 2009
The Pressure's On (Or In My Mind Off)
Earlier this morning, as I was heading to brunch in a St. Paul restaurant, I put on my Facebook status: "Kevin Jack was thinking (while riding Metro Transit route 54) when I made of the most important decisions regarding the future and there's no ands, ifs or buts about it". And that is: There's a very good change that I may never date again or for that matter, ever get married.
Over the last year, I have been questioned by some of my friends: How come you're not married? (This is usually when I give a smart ass answer. For example, "You haven't asked yet" or "It's a mystery right up there with 'Who shot JFK?' and 'Why don't other countries have better toilet paper?'" Basically, now that I'm in my mid-20s, I'm being pressured into this otherwise I'm considered a "drunk millionaire playboy" (I hope you get the movie reference).
Truth be told: I really don't want to for several reasons. It seems like in today's society, you need to be married before the age of 25 or otherwise you'll never get married.
1.) I've been hurt too many times. In every relationship I've been in, it has ended with the words: "You're not good enough for me". While I understand that some relationships work and some don't, is it necessary to tell another human being those 6 words? Oh, well. I survived. Their loss.
2.) I don't have the time. I spend 7 days a week working on something. Whether it's working at Edgcumbe or working on school assignments, there isn't a free minute that I have during the week to maintain or develop any relationships since I'm always on the road somewhere.
3.) I'm not even remotely close to being ready to have children. Some of my friends are my age. Most of them are already married and have children (or in some cases 2). I'm 24 years old, there's no way I would be ready to have children. Maybe when I turn 30 I'll start having children but until then, there's no way you'll see me with my own child.
4.) There isn't anyone out there anymore. No explanation needed. Everyone who is my age are already married or in a committed relationship so I won't waste my time with this.
I want everyone to know this. I'm not insecure, I'm not scared of commitment (okay fine, maybe a little) and I'm not knocking down dating and marriage. I'm questioning why people make this such a big deal when truth be told, it really isn't. Personally, I don't really care if I ever date again or get married for that matter. I'm happy either way. As long as I have good friends and family, I'm a happy camper. Sure it's going to be tough at times and I may miss out on things but I think I can survive. Whatever makes you happy, right? I guess you can say that I'm still waiting for that special someone to come into my life.
I suppose there's people who are going to keep pressuring and pressuring me to do so but my life isn't yours. Let me live my life and I'll let you live yours.
Over the last year, I have been questioned by some of my friends: How come you're not married? (This is usually when I give a smart ass answer. For example, "You haven't asked yet" or "It's a mystery right up there with 'Who shot JFK?' and 'Why don't other countries have better toilet paper?'" Basically, now that I'm in my mid-20s, I'm being pressured into this otherwise I'm considered a "drunk millionaire playboy" (I hope you get the movie reference).
Truth be told: I really don't want to for several reasons. It seems like in today's society, you need to be married before the age of 25 or otherwise you'll never get married.
1.) I've been hurt too many times. In every relationship I've been in, it has ended with the words: "You're not good enough for me". While I understand that some relationships work and some don't, is it necessary to tell another human being those 6 words? Oh, well. I survived. Their loss.
2.) I don't have the time. I spend 7 days a week working on something. Whether it's working at Edgcumbe or working on school assignments, there isn't a free minute that I have during the week to maintain or develop any relationships since I'm always on the road somewhere.
3.) I'm not even remotely close to being ready to have children. Some of my friends are my age. Most of them are already married and have children (or in some cases 2). I'm 24 years old, there's no way I would be ready to have children. Maybe when I turn 30 I'll start having children but until then, there's no way you'll see me with my own child.
4.) There isn't anyone out there anymore. No explanation needed. Everyone who is my age are already married or in a committed relationship so I won't waste my time with this.
I want everyone to know this. I'm not insecure, I'm not scared of commitment (okay fine, maybe a little) and I'm not knocking down dating and marriage. I'm questioning why people make this such a big deal when truth be told, it really isn't. Personally, I don't really care if I ever date again or get married for that matter. I'm happy either way. As long as I have good friends and family, I'm a happy camper. Sure it's going to be tough at times and I may miss out on things but I think I can survive. Whatever makes you happy, right? I guess you can say that I'm still waiting for that special someone to come into my life.
But this is life and it can change. If I met the right person, then I may have wasted my time writing this. You never know.
I suppose there's people who are going to keep pressuring and pressuring me to do so but my life isn't yours. Let me live my life and I'll let you live yours.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
A Reflection
Here we are: The end of another semester at Inver Hills. Seems like yesterday that the semester just started. Can't believe it's almost over. I guess it's true what they say: Time flies when your having fun. I suppose that I should reflect what I learned over the course of the semester.
First, I will admit that I thought I was a good (not great) communicator. I was wrong on all counts. Taking this class helped me wake up to all forms of communication. It's hard to believe that it interpersonal communications can be difficult to maintain without the proper tools. I know that everyone has conflicts in their life. However, I was lacking the skills to overcome conflicts in my relationships, no matter how small or big the relationship is. Another big one was delveoping relationships and maintaing them. I know that people in your life will come and go. That's part of life. However, it is important to maintain the relationships you have with others, even if it is a 5 minute meeting.
Second, the blogging project. This helped me learn more about myself. I know I kept on saying that this project would help me with my writing skills for that high powered journalism job in the future, but it helped me realize things about myself that I never noticed in the past. It helped me realize how people act in certain ways, how even the slighted stories can help wake someone up regarding that particular person.
Third, to me, out of my four classes I took this semester, I felt like this was one of the most valuable classes I took. I've been wanting to take it for the longest time but could never fit it into my school schedule. I'm glad that I was able to do that this semester. I'm going to take everything I learned this semester and hold on to them for future use.
First, I will admit that I thought I was a good (not great) communicator. I was wrong on all counts. Taking this class helped me wake up to all forms of communication. It's hard to believe that it interpersonal communications can be difficult to maintain without the proper tools. I know that everyone has conflicts in their life. However, I was lacking the skills to overcome conflicts in my relationships, no matter how small or big the relationship is. Another big one was delveoping relationships and maintaing them. I know that people in your life will come and go. That's part of life. However, it is important to maintain the relationships you have with others, even if it is a 5 minute meeting.
Second, the blogging project. This helped me learn more about myself. I know I kept on saying that this project would help me with my writing skills for that high powered journalism job in the future, but it helped me realize things about myself that I never noticed in the past. It helped me realize how people act in certain ways, how even the slighted stories can help wake someone up regarding that particular person.
Third, to me, out of my four classes I took this semester, I felt like this was one of the most valuable classes I took. I've been wanting to take it for the longest time but could never fit it into my school schedule. I'm glad that I was able to do that this semester. I'm going to take everything I learned this semester and hold on to them for future use.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Please Explain Something to Me
On a beautiful day like it was today, you might be tempted to head to the park to take your child to the jungle gym or watch a baseball or softball game. Why bother staying inside? After all, isn't that what we just did for the last 9 months?
At the recreation center I work at, there was two games going on - one baseball and one softball - so it was a fan's day. Well, sometimes these types of days really don't make a City of St. Paul - Department of Parks and Recreation a happy camper. Today was one of those days.
Earlier this afternoon, while the two games going was going on, there was a very young child, 3 to be exact, laying face first in the sand box. Why? I don't know. Besides having a broken arm, she looked to be just fine. A parent came in to alert me of the situation. The parent tried to talk to the young child. No results. I tried to talk to the child. No results. At this point, I went to my supervisor for further instruction. My supervisor even tried to talk to the young child. No results.
My best guess is the parents are watching their teenage child play baseball. Read that last sentence over again. Look at the previous paragraph. See anything wrong with that picture?
Oh, it gets better. The parent sends her brother to watch her. The only problem: He's 5.
At this point, as my supervisor is on the phone with the police, another parent comes up to us and says the grandfather arrived. My supervisor has a chat with the grandfather.
My only question to parents is: Why? Why would you send an infant child or in this case two infant children, to the park unsupervised? Do you expect other people to watch your child(ren)? Do you expect the recreation center staff to supervise your child? It's people, in my opinion, like this who should not be parents. I mentioned in a previous blog that no one is invisible. Bad things can happen to anyone at anytime, especially younger children who don't quite yet has the common sense to defend him/herself.
Truth be told, if I were married and had children and found out that my wife sent my infant child(ren) to the park unsupervised, well I won't tell you what I would say but I can tell you, it won't be pretty.
This is one of the main reasons why I have a hard time building new relationships with a lot people. The common sense in people doesn't exist anymore. I can't believe how difficult it is to actually meet an intelligent person. That's one of the qualities I look for in a woman: intelligence. Where are you????????
Another question I must ask as a non-parent is: Is it just me or is America, not only getting more obese but stupider?
At the recreation center I work at, there was two games going on - one baseball and one softball - so it was a fan's day. Well, sometimes these types of days really don't make a City of St. Paul - Department of Parks and Recreation a happy camper. Today was one of those days.
Earlier this afternoon, while the two games going was going on, there was a very young child, 3 to be exact, laying face first in the sand box. Why? I don't know. Besides having a broken arm, she looked to be just fine. A parent came in to alert me of the situation. The parent tried to talk to the young child. No results. I tried to talk to the child. No results. At this point, I went to my supervisor for further instruction. My supervisor even tried to talk to the young child. No results.
My best guess is the parents are watching their teenage child play baseball. Read that last sentence over again. Look at the previous paragraph. See anything wrong with that picture?
Oh, it gets better. The parent sends her brother to watch her. The only problem: He's 5.
At this point, as my supervisor is on the phone with the police, another parent comes up to us and says the grandfather arrived. My supervisor has a chat with the grandfather.
My only question to parents is: Why? Why would you send an infant child or in this case two infant children, to the park unsupervised? Do you expect other people to watch your child(ren)? Do you expect the recreation center staff to supervise your child? It's people, in my opinion, like this who should not be parents. I mentioned in a previous blog that no one is invisible. Bad things can happen to anyone at anytime, especially younger children who don't quite yet has the common sense to defend him/herself.
Truth be told, if I were married and had children and found out that my wife sent my infant child(ren) to the park unsupervised, well I won't tell you what I would say but I can tell you, it won't be pretty.
This is one of the main reasons why I have a hard time building new relationships with a lot people. The common sense in people doesn't exist anymore. I can't believe how difficult it is to actually meet an intelligent person. That's one of the qualities I look for in a woman: intelligence. Where are you????????
Another question I must ask as a non-parent is: Is it just me or is America, not only getting more obese but stupider?
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Pressures of Finals
There are two months out of the year I really don't like: May and December (although December seems to be of a triple whammy - I'll explain more later). Reason: Finals.
For many college students, this is where we put everything behind us and focus on our classes. For me, it's many, many hours in the computer lab, printing and researching information regarding certain topics for certain classes. For example, last Wednesday and Thursday, I was in the computer lab from 9:00 in the morning all the way to 8:30 at night. Two long days staring in front of a computer can make anyone go absolutely crazy. I wasn't realizing this when it happened but when I was texting some of my friends, they let me know that I was misspelling some words, therefore making them confused about what I was talking about. I knew that was a sign that my brain was fried - I can't spell.
Friday didn't give me much of a favor either but was in the computer lab for only a few hours in the morning since I had to work in the afternoon.
It's because of those two long study days that I took the weekend off from studying. I went out with friends on Saturday night, to escape the world of studying and be a little social before I got back to the books on Monday.
By the way, early last week, I had 2 finals next week & 2 finals during finals week. Late in the week, my instructor for technical writing changed the schedule a bit and moved the final to this coming week. So now 3 next week and one the following. I know that this is normal for a college student but having 3 finals even before finals week seems to be a little strange. Shouldn't that week be used for studying or finishing up last minute papers/reports?
I'll be glad when finals are over. I'll have a nice week & Memorial Day off before I have to go back at it. I'm taking four classes that start and finish at different times (Three online and one in the classroom).
I have a hunch that I'll be spending a lot of time at Inver Hill's gym (waling around) to decrease the stress I'll have.
If you see me next week, stay clear of me. It may be ugly!!! :-D
For many college students, this is where we put everything behind us and focus on our classes. For me, it's many, many hours in the computer lab, printing and researching information regarding certain topics for certain classes. For example, last Wednesday and Thursday, I was in the computer lab from 9:00 in the morning all the way to 8:30 at night. Two long days staring in front of a computer can make anyone go absolutely crazy. I wasn't realizing this when it happened but when I was texting some of my friends, they let me know that I was misspelling some words, therefore making them confused about what I was talking about. I knew that was a sign that my brain was fried - I can't spell.
Friday didn't give me much of a favor either but was in the computer lab for only a few hours in the morning since I had to work in the afternoon.
It's because of those two long study days that I took the weekend off from studying. I went out with friends on Saturday night, to escape the world of studying and be a little social before I got back to the books on Monday.
By the way, early last week, I had 2 finals next week & 2 finals during finals week. Late in the week, my instructor for technical writing changed the schedule a bit and moved the final to this coming week. So now 3 next week and one the following. I know that this is normal for a college student but having 3 finals even before finals week seems to be a little strange. Shouldn't that week be used for studying or finishing up last minute papers/reports?
I'll be glad when finals are over. I'll have a nice week & Memorial Day off before I have to go back at it. I'm taking four classes that start and finish at different times (Three online and one in the classroom).
I have a hunch that I'll be spending a lot of time at Inver Hill's gym (waling around) to decrease the stress I'll have.
If you see me next week, stay clear of me. It may be ugly!!! :-D
By the way, that triple whammy in December I'm talking about consists of Christmas, finals and the start of winter. Talk about a stressful month.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I'm Glad To See SOMEONE Using the Pool
We haven't used our swimming pool in the last few years. I'm glad to see someone getting some use out of it.Crazymakers
When I first heard of the term "crazymakers", I thought it meant people who like to be a little crazy, or creative, in their lives. Apparently, I wasn't even close to the actual meaning.
Psychologist George Bach uses the term "crazymakers" (It occures when people have feelings of resientment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwelling to expres directly) to describe passive-aggression behavior (defined as "a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way).
What are the types of "crazymakers"? Here they are:
Avoider: Refuses to fight
Pseudoaccommodator: Pretends to give in and continues to act the same way
Guiltmaker: Try to make others feel responsible for causing pain. "It's OK, don't worry about me..."
The Mind Reader: Go into character analysis and say what their partner really means or what's wrong with their partner.
Trapper: Set up a desired behavior for their partners and then, when its met, attacking the very behavior they requested. "Let's be totally honest with each other.." and then attacks the self disclosure
Crisis Tickler: Almost bring about what's bothering them but never quite express themselves. If someone is concerned about finances, "Gee, how much did that cost?"
Gunnysacker: Thet put their resentments into a sack which they pour out at later date and overwhelm an unsuspecting victim
Trivial Tyrannizer: Do things that they know will get their partners goat --leaving dirty dishes in the sink, fingernail clippings in the bed, turning up the TV too loud, etc.
Beltliner: Strike blow the psychological beltlining by using intimate knowledge to hurt their partner
Joker: Kid with partners and block the expression of important feelings
Withholder: Instead of expressing anger honestly and directly they hold back something--courtesy, affection, sex.
Benedict Arnold: Get partners back by sabotage, by failing to defend them or encouraging ridicule from others.
Which one of these are you? I was surprised when I read the section and realized what I used on others and what others used on me. I won't say which one of these I am. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about me.
Source:
Looking Out, Looking In by Ronald B., Adler & Russell F. Proctor II
Psychologist George Bach uses the term "crazymakers" (It occures when people have feelings of resientment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwelling to expres directly) to describe passive-aggression behavior (defined as "a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way).
What are the types of "crazymakers"? Here they are:
Avoider: Refuses to fight
Pseudoaccommodator: Pretends to give in and continues to act the same way
Guiltmaker: Try to make others feel responsible for causing pain. "It's OK, don't worry about me..."
The Mind Reader: Go into character analysis and say what their partner really means or what's wrong with their partner.
Trapper: Set up a desired behavior for their partners and then, when its met, attacking the very behavior they requested. "Let's be totally honest with each other.." and then attacks the self disclosure
Crisis Tickler: Almost bring about what's bothering them but never quite express themselves. If someone is concerned about finances, "Gee, how much did that cost?"
Gunnysacker: Thet put their resentments into a sack which they pour out at later date and overwhelm an unsuspecting victim
Trivial Tyrannizer: Do things that they know will get their partners goat --leaving dirty dishes in the sink, fingernail clippings in the bed, turning up the TV too loud, etc.
Beltliner: Strike blow the psychological beltlining by using intimate knowledge to hurt their partner
Joker: Kid with partners and block the expression of important feelings
Withholder: Instead of expressing anger honestly and directly they hold back something--courtesy, affection, sex.
Benedict Arnold: Get partners back by sabotage, by failing to defend them or encouraging ridicule from others.
Which one of these are you? I was surprised when I read the section and realized what I used on others and what others used on me. I won't say which one of these I am. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about me.
Source:
Looking Out, Looking In by Ronald B., Adler & Russell F. Proctor II
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Can Men and Women Just "Be Friends"?
I know this was a topic that I studied about a month ago in my Interpersonal Communications class but I was watching a report on WCCO Channel 4 News on Monday evening about men and women being "just friends". It left me wondering: Can they? Can men and women be "just friends." The only question I'm asking is: Why not?
In today's society, we've concluded that if we see people (who are in a committed relationship) hanging out with members of the opposite sex, it qualifies as cheating on their spouse. However, I don't believe that. I believe that is there is trust and honesty in the relationship, we should be able to be friends with whoever we want. While I understand the fact that jealousy may play a roll in outside relationships, it's also a good thing to have good friends that are members of the opposite sex.
When I was in a relationship with an ex-girlfriend, it was one of the hardest transitions in life I've ever been through. I didn't know anything about women or how they function (like I'll ever know the full story). However, I had a good friend (who was a girl) who was giving me some assistance on what I should do in any particular situation. While it did help, it made my ex a little jealous. That was not my intention. It blew up beyond proportion and couldn't resolve the conflict so we broke it off. But I still maintain my friendship with my friend.
Personally, I believe that having a good friend of the opposite sex is a good thing mainly becuase you get that feedback from someone who is the opposite sex and isn't the person you're with. As I said, as long as there's trust and honesty with the person you're with, there shouldn't be any problem maintaining friendships with the opposite sex.
In today's society, we've concluded that if we see people (who are in a committed relationship) hanging out with members of the opposite sex, it qualifies as cheating on their spouse. However, I don't believe that. I believe that is there is trust and honesty in the relationship, we should be able to be friends with whoever we want. While I understand the fact that jealousy may play a roll in outside relationships, it's also a good thing to have good friends that are members of the opposite sex.
When I was in a relationship with an ex-girlfriend, it was one of the hardest transitions in life I've ever been through. I didn't know anything about women or how they function (like I'll ever know the full story). However, I had a good friend (who was a girl) who was giving me some assistance on what I should do in any particular situation. While it did help, it made my ex a little jealous. That was not my intention. It blew up beyond proportion and couldn't resolve the conflict so we broke it off. But I still maintain my friendship with my friend.
Personally, I believe that having a good friend of the opposite sex is a good thing mainly becuase you get that feedback from someone who is the opposite sex and isn't the person you're with. As I said, as long as there's trust and honesty with the person you're with, there shouldn't be any problem maintaining friendships with the opposite sex.
Links:
http://wcco.com/specialreports/friends.opposite.sex.2.995911.html
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Conflict: Everyone Has to Deal With It
It is something that every relationship has to deal with. Conflict. There are many synonyms to describe conflict: Battle, brawl, clash, competition, discord, disharmony, duel, fight, strife, struggle, trouble, and violence. We use different types of metaphors to decribe conflict: "We often talk about conflict as a type of war", "conflicts are explosive", conflict sometimes seems "like a kinf of trial, in which one party accuses another", "Language that suggests that conflict is a mess", and using metaphors "of a game implies that one side has to defeat the other".
When it comes to handling conflict, it depends on the situation and the person who I'm talking to.
Avoiding (a lose-lose situation): Defined as "when people nonasseretively ignore or stay away from conflict. It can be physical or conversational." I use this almost immediately after any type of arguing. It helps me and the other person cool down a bit before we actually talk about it. It's better to avoid the person for a few days than to talk about it with a hot head, otherwise you may do or say something that you'll regret later.
Accommodating (a lose-win situation): Defined as "when you allow others to have their way rather than asserting your own point of view. I try my hardest not to do this type of conflict, otherwise I'm letting the other person know that I will do whatever he/she wants to do, even though I already made plans for that particular day/time.
Competing (a win-lose or sometimes degenerating to lose-lose situation): Defined as "a win-lose approach to conflict involves high concern for self and low concern of others. In my opinion, this is one of the worst ways to create a conflict. It's telling you that you are better than another person. Back when I was a child, I came across this quite often. When I was playing an organized pick up game of baseball or kickball, there was always one team that always played like they were the king of the world. They had to play the way they wanted to play. Whenever that team lost, they acted like a bunch of idiots. I guess the same can be said if you win every game and acted like a sore winner. That's what takes the fun out of games. I was always taught (when playing sports for an organized recreation center team) to win and lose with grace.
Compromising (a partial lose-lose situation): Defined as "given both people at least half of what they want, although both sacrifice part of their goals. I believe that every relationship, no matter who it is, has done something like this. In my mind this is a "win some, lose some situation."
Collaborating ( a win-win situation): Defined as a "showing a high degree of concern for both themselves and others. This is one of the best ways to solve a conflict. Instead of focusing on "me", you're focusing on "we". In this situation, you may want to continue what you and your partner are already doing, without having to make any changes.
How do you know what style to use? Well, it depends on these four factors:
The Relationship: How important is the relationship your having with the other person?
The Situation: How big or small is the issue? Is it worth fighting for?
The Other Person: You have to get a sense on how the other person is feeling. You want to make sure you are collaborating with that particular person.
Your Goals: What are your goals to dissolve the conflict? Will you have to accomidate the person? Or will you have to compromise?
When it comes to handling conflict, it depends on the situation and the person who I'm talking to.
Avoiding (a lose-lose situation): Defined as "when people nonasseretively ignore or stay away from conflict. It can be physical or conversational." I use this almost immediately after any type of arguing. It helps me and the other person cool down a bit before we actually talk about it. It's better to avoid the person for a few days than to talk about it with a hot head, otherwise you may do or say something that you'll regret later.
Accommodating (a lose-win situation): Defined as "when you allow others to have their way rather than asserting your own point of view. I try my hardest not to do this type of conflict, otherwise I'm letting the other person know that I will do whatever he/she wants to do, even though I already made plans for that particular day/time.
Competing (a win-lose or sometimes degenerating to lose-lose situation): Defined as "a win-lose approach to conflict involves high concern for self and low concern of others. In my opinion, this is one of the worst ways to create a conflict. It's telling you that you are better than another person. Back when I was a child, I came across this quite often. When I was playing an organized pick up game of baseball or kickball, there was always one team that always played like they were the king of the world. They had to play the way they wanted to play. Whenever that team lost, they acted like a bunch of idiots. I guess the same can be said if you win every game and acted like a sore winner. That's what takes the fun out of games. I was always taught (when playing sports for an organized recreation center team) to win and lose with grace.
Compromising (a partial lose-lose situation): Defined as "given both people at least half of what they want, although both sacrifice part of their goals. I believe that every relationship, no matter who it is, has done something like this. In my mind this is a "win some, lose some situation."
Collaborating ( a win-win situation): Defined as a "showing a high degree of concern for both themselves and others. This is one of the best ways to solve a conflict. Instead of focusing on "me", you're focusing on "we". In this situation, you may want to continue what you and your partner are already doing, without having to make any changes.
How do you know what style to use? Well, it depends on these four factors:
The Relationship: How important is the relationship your having with the other person?
The Situation: How big or small is the issue? Is it worth fighting for?
The Other Person: You have to get a sense on how the other person is feeling. You want to make sure you are collaborating with that particular person.
Your Goals: What are your goals to dissolve the conflict? Will you have to accomidate the person? Or will you have to compromise?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Two News Stories That Left My Mind Boggled
I am one of those so called "news junkies." I go to sleep watching the news and I wake up watching the news. I read the news on my Blackberry and computer. You can say that I love to be informed about the daily events of the world.
One thing that amazes me when I watch or read the news is how many stupid people that are out there. I came across two stories on one website.
Story 1: Six Arrested When Party on Dinkytown Gets Out of Hand - http://kstp.com/news/stories/S899192.shtml?cat=1
What a shocker. It just had to happen on the weekend of the University of Minnesota's annual spring party: Spring Jam. It was reported earlier this week in the Minnesota Daily that the U of M had to cut police patrol in Dinkytown due to funding issues. Community leaders didn't want this to happen because it would create problems in the Dinkytown community. They knew parties were going to happen. I wonder how many of them actually read that article and were planning on taking advantage of the low police patrol? Apparently 400-500 people did.
My only question is: How many of them were A) Drinking, B) Underage or C) Both? My best guess would be letter C - both. The University campus is one small town itself - with at least 11,000 students, faculty and staff on campus. Is this what today's society is all about? Underage drinking. These people think that their invisible. Nothing bad will happen and if it does, mommy and daddy will take care of it. But if it's death, then it's a different story. Take the Amanda Jax story. While I'm sad that she died from drinking, I'm upset by the fact that her friends continued to encourage her to drink and the bartenders that kept serving her. Parents blamed the bar and her friends but didn't take into the account that Jax drank a lot previously.
I'll even admit that in my early 20s, I wanted to go out and drink. Heck there are times today that I want to go out and have a drink. Since I act mature for my age, I can keep it to a social level. Meaning I can have 1 or 2 and call it a night. But I'll admit once that I got a little crazy one night and had, in the words of Arthur Bach (from the movie Arthur) "I want more than enough". But I still remembered how to get home. Safely, even while on the bus.
I was having a conversation about something similar to this story with a transit driver who does Route 852 (an express route going from Downtown Minneapolis to Anoka via 35W, East River Road, and Northtown Mall). We were discussing a story that happened a couple years ago where high school age children were drinking, taking pictures and posting them on Facebook. The principle found them and suspended them. But, here comes mommy and daddy to the rescue, telling the media that "our kid(s) would never do something like that. What the school administration did was invasion of privacy and should be allowed to go back to school." What? "Our kids would never do that?" There's evidence that they DO that. Plus Facebook is a public domain. Anyone can view it. Personally, I'm glad that they got suspended.
Whatever happened to "you do the crime, you do the time?" I still remember growing up, I did bad things. I deserved to get punished. I deserved to do the time. And I learned from it. It seems that parents are trying to be their child(s) friend instead of being a parent. They're not learning the consequences of their actions by bailing them out of trouble.
I wonder if mommy and daddy will come to the rescue of their children after last night's Dinkytown riot? While I understand that parents have every right to defend their children, but of they break the law, why bother?
Story 2: Minn. Man Arrested for Leaving Girl, 5, in Charge - http://kstp.com/news/stories/S899044.shtml?cat=1
Are people getting stupider and stupider by the day? Why would anyone in there right mind leave a 5 year old alone, with two toddlers? It's the exact equivalent to leaving your child in a vehicle for that quick errand (see a previous blog posting).
I'm not going to get into this story very much since the stupidity level is way too high.....
I'm starting to realize that I maybe becoming too opinionated at times.....
Friday, April 24, 2009
Five clues that you are addicted to Facebook
I log on to Facebook several times a day. Whether it's by computer or on my Blackberry, I may have one of these problems that CNN Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen was talking about. I have the constant needed to be informed about what is going on in my friends & family's lives. But the same can be said for e-mail. When I was attending the University of Minnesota in 2003-04, I was constantly checking my e-mail account every 10 minutes. Sick huh?
After I left the University in 2004, a friend of mine persuaded me to join Facebook. I found myself addicted from the start. Back then, there was no status updates, or no news feed but it did list when your friends updated their profile. I found myself updating my profile at least once (if not more) a week. It was an obsession with the fake world instead of being obsessed with what is going on in the real world.
At first, I used it to keep in touch with my friends who I met during my year at the U. After the owners of Facebook made it available to everyone with a valid e-mail address, my friends list included family members, who I keep in touch via the social networking site. Now, I am closer to my family (at least my mom's side) because of the wonderful world of social networking.
After reading the article, the five signs of an addition are (with my personal comments included):
1. You lose sleep over Facebook.
Well, I haven't experienced a lose of sleep over Facebook. As a matter of fact, I always watch You Tube videos before I call it an evening. Even that, I'm still in bed by 11:00.
2. You spend more than an hour a day on Facebook
It depends on the day and what I have going on. When I have an enormous amount of work to do, I use Facebook as a "break" from work. If the weather is bad, then yeah, I spend way too much time on it.
3. You become obsessed with old loves
This happened only once. It ended rather quickly. I'm now over it. I'm hoping it never happens again.
Blog Owner's Note: Shortly after I posted this blog, a former crush of mine found me on Facebook and added me as a friend (obviously I accepted). Ha. Coincidence?
4. You ignore work in favor of Facebook
I will admit that I have done this. To me, Facebook is an escape of reality for a short time. A break if you call it. But I'm rather good about getting back to work and using the social networking site as a break.
5. The thought of getting off Facebook leaves you in a cold sweat
It may be hard. It's the exact equivalent to quitting smoking or stop doing drugs. Personally, I have gone through one whole day without Facebook. I didn't feel anything. It actually made me feel much better about myself. It has helped me to only be on the site when someone sends me a message or makes a comment about something.
After taking the Facebook Compulsion Inventory, I scored a 32, which means that I enjoy Facebook and consider it a big part of my life but it isn't probably controlling me. I suppose my addiction to Facebook wasn't bad as I though it would be. However, the fact that I'm not in a relationship with someone outside my family made a big difference in the outcome of my score. If I had been in a relationship with someone, who knows what my score would have been.
Remember: There is a life outside of Facebook. We need to remember that before social networking sites, we had to communicate face to face or over the phone. Maybe we should go back to that instead of social networking sites????
Links:
Five clues that you are addicted to Facebook: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/23/ep.facebook.addict/index.html
The Facebook Compulsion Inventory: http://www.imagolady.com/Paula_Pile/A_Temptress_in_the_Computer/Facebook%20Inventory%20Test.pdf
After I left the University in 2004, a friend of mine persuaded me to join Facebook. I found myself addicted from the start. Back then, there was no status updates, or no news feed but it did list when your friends updated their profile. I found myself updating my profile at least once (if not more) a week. It was an obsession with the fake world instead of being obsessed with what is going on in the real world.
At first, I used it to keep in touch with my friends who I met during my year at the U. After the owners of Facebook made it available to everyone with a valid e-mail address, my friends list included family members, who I keep in touch via the social networking site. Now, I am closer to my family (at least my mom's side) because of the wonderful world of social networking.
After reading the article, the five signs of an addition are (with my personal comments included):
1. You lose sleep over Facebook.
Well, I haven't experienced a lose of sleep over Facebook. As a matter of fact, I always watch You Tube videos before I call it an evening. Even that, I'm still in bed by 11:00.
2. You spend more than an hour a day on Facebook
It depends on the day and what I have going on. When I have an enormous amount of work to do, I use Facebook as a "break" from work. If the weather is bad, then yeah, I spend way too much time on it.
3. You become obsessed with old loves
This happened only once. It ended rather quickly. I'm now over it. I'm hoping it never happens again.
Blog Owner's Note: Shortly after I posted this blog, a former crush of mine found me on Facebook and added me as a friend (obviously I accepted). Ha. Coincidence?
4. You ignore work in favor of Facebook
I will admit that I have done this. To me, Facebook is an escape of reality for a short time. A break if you call it. But I'm rather good about getting back to work and using the social networking site as a break.
5. The thought of getting off Facebook leaves you in a cold sweat
It may be hard. It's the exact equivalent to quitting smoking or stop doing drugs. Personally, I have gone through one whole day without Facebook. I didn't feel anything. It actually made me feel much better about myself. It has helped me to only be on the site when someone sends me a message or makes a comment about something.
After taking the Facebook Compulsion Inventory, I scored a 32, which means that I enjoy Facebook and consider it a big part of my life but it isn't probably controlling me. I suppose my addiction to Facebook wasn't bad as I though it would be. However, the fact that I'm not in a relationship with someone outside my family made a big difference in the outcome of my score. If I had been in a relationship with someone, who knows what my score would have been.
Remember: There is a life outside of Facebook. We need to remember that before social networking sites, we had to communicate face to face or over the phone. Maybe we should go back to that instead of social networking sites????
Links:
Five clues that you are addicted to Facebook: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/23/ep.facebook.addict/index.html
The Facebook Compulsion Inventory: http://www.imagolady.com/Paula_Pile/A_Temptress_in_the_Computer/Facebook%20Inventory%20Test.pdf
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A Scary Moment
I started riding the bus back in March 2003. I was on the On The Job Training program that St. Paul Public Schools were offering. However, at that time, I had a job that would require me to work at night. So what would I do? I went home at 11:00am. In order for me to get there, I would have to take Metro Transit home since the school didn't offer school bus service to where ever.
Since then I have experienced a lot of different life on the bus (one story is posted on a previous blog), I have experienced new relationships with drivers (at least the St. Paul drivers), and the most interesting people one can find. People puking (on and off the bus), fights at bus stops, bums, business people, arguments, listening to very interesting conversations (whether it was face to face or on a cell phone). There are many more experiences that I experienced but can't think of them right now. One thing I never experienced was being involved in an accident. (Obviously this is one thing that no one wants to experience.)
Today that changed. I was on my way to Minneapolis to make another connection with another bus to take me to Mahtomedi. I was going to take an express bus to Minneapolis but I noticed that a friend of mine was driving the Route 50 line (a limited stop route from Downtown St. Paul to Downtown Minneapolis via University Ave, Washington Ave & the U of M area). I wasn't in a big rush at the time to get there so I decided to take the Route 50 bus. After the bus picked up all it's downtown St. Paul customers, the bus was crossing Cedar Street & 12th Street when someone crashed into the side of the bus.
This was my observation of what happened: The bus was heading north on Cedar Street when the light turned yellow, just as the bus was getting to the corner. Seeing the bus wasn't going to stop, the light turned red while the bus was in the intersection. I so happened to look behind me (if you know Metro Transit, I was on a low-floor articulated - accordion style - bus), I saw a car, who was heading west on 12th Street (I'm assuming this person was going to get on either 94 West or 35E South) crashed right into the side of the bus at great speed. I was sitting in the front of the bus, right next to the front wheel, where the crash happened. I don't know if this person hit the brakes or what but it wasn't a good situation. Quite the scary moment.
After the bus made a stop in front of a National Guard building on Cedar Street & Columbus Street, I, along with a few others, ran to the scene of the crash, where one lady was holding her arm. When I got there, one person was on the phone with the cops and National Guard members tending to the injured lady on the sidewalk.
Moments later, the scene was covered with the Metro Transit & St. Paul Police Departments, the City fire department, more National Guard members, witnesses and on-lookers. While most everyone took the next bus and move on to their destination, I along with a few others stayed on the scene, to give the Metro Transit Police & Supervisors our observations on what happened. For the second time in less than 2 weeks, I was dealing with the police.
The lady who was in the car sustained, probably sustained a broken arm, had some cuts on there chin and a bloody mouth. Three people complained about pain in their necks (but as we all know, most of the time, these people are looking to make a buck). I escaped any type of injury, even though I felt the impact of the crash. There was about 15 - 20 people total on the bus at the time. Thankfully, it looks like everyone is going to be okay and get a full recovery from this accident.
What's going to happen? I know that the driver will most likely be put on paid administrative leave while the investigation rolls on and given a drug & alcohol test (which from my understanding is normal procedure). The police will review the tapes from the bus and from the National Guard and go from there.
As I said, I'm a 6 year "veteran" of Metro Transit. I have developed and maintained friendships with the drivers (as I said, mainly out of East Metro Garage in St. Paul). Many drivers have told me that the makers of the buses made them so they wouldn't sustain major damage. Guess they were right. It left a few scratch marks and dents on the bus but will be drivable in the future. The car is a complete loss though.
By no means was I defending my friend in this. I gave the police and supervisors what I believed to be an accurate description of what happened. But as we all know, surveillance cameras do not lie and I could be wrong.
I don't know who was at fault in this accident but it is a reoccurring reminder that we - whether your a bus driver, a driver in a private vehicle, a biker or pedestrian - have to look out for others. As we all know, there are stupid people out there that are not paying attention.
Eventually, I got to the bus I needed. I needed Route 270E (from Downtown Minneapolis to Mahtomedi via 35W North, Highway 36 & Maplewood Mall) to Mahtomedi where I was meeting someone. While on the bus, I thought the same thing was going to happen. A couple of close calls, one on Central Ave & 2nd Ave SE and one on Highway 36 & Cleveland Ave. I'm already on edge because of the earlier accident. I kept thinking to myself: "Today is the second time in less than two weeks I've dealt with the Metro Transit Police; I don't want to deal with them twice in one day."
Though out the remainder of the day/early evening, every time the bus hit it's brakes for any reason, I got his uneasy feeling in my stomach, therefore making me look out the window and thinking the bus was going to hit something.
PS. The first time I dealt with the Metro Transit police was on Metro Transit Route 54 (a limited stop bus from the Mall of America to Downtown St. Paul via the MSP Airport and West 7th St) on Saturday, April 11th. This time I was dealing with a mother assaulting and shaking her 4 year old son on the bus. I stayed back to file police reports on what I saw.
Since then I have experienced a lot of different life on the bus (one story is posted on a previous blog), I have experienced new relationships with drivers (at least the St. Paul drivers), and the most interesting people one can find. People puking (on and off the bus), fights at bus stops, bums, business people, arguments, listening to very interesting conversations (whether it was face to face or on a cell phone). There are many more experiences that I experienced but can't think of them right now. One thing I never experienced was being involved in an accident. (Obviously this is one thing that no one wants to experience.)
Today that changed. I was on my way to Minneapolis to make another connection with another bus to take me to Mahtomedi. I was going to take an express bus to Minneapolis but I noticed that a friend of mine was driving the Route 50 line (a limited stop route from Downtown St. Paul to Downtown Minneapolis via University Ave, Washington Ave & the U of M area). I wasn't in a big rush at the time to get there so I decided to take the Route 50 bus. After the bus picked up all it's downtown St. Paul customers, the bus was crossing Cedar Street & 12th Street when someone crashed into the side of the bus.
This was my observation of what happened: The bus was heading north on Cedar Street when the light turned yellow, just as the bus was getting to the corner. Seeing the bus wasn't going to stop, the light turned red while the bus was in the intersection. I so happened to look behind me (if you know Metro Transit, I was on a low-floor articulated - accordion style - bus), I saw a car, who was heading west on 12th Street (I'm assuming this person was going to get on either 94 West or 35E South) crashed right into the side of the bus at great speed. I was sitting in the front of the bus, right next to the front wheel, where the crash happened. I don't know if this person hit the brakes or what but it wasn't a good situation. Quite the scary moment.
After the bus made a stop in front of a National Guard building on Cedar Street & Columbus Street, I, along with a few others, ran to the scene of the crash, where one lady was holding her arm. When I got there, one person was on the phone with the cops and National Guard members tending to the injured lady on the sidewalk.
Moments later, the scene was covered with the Metro Transit & St. Paul Police Departments, the City fire department, more National Guard members, witnesses and on-lookers. While most everyone took the next bus and move on to their destination, I along with a few others stayed on the scene, to give the Metro Transit Police & Supervisors our observations on what happened. For the second time in less than 2 weeks, I was dealing with the police.
The lady who was in the car sustained, probably sustained a broken arm, had some cuts on there chin and a bloody mouth. Three people complained about pain in their necks (but as we all know, most of the time, these people are looking to make a buck). I escaped any type of injury, even though I felt the impact of the crash. There was about 15 - 20 people total on the bus at the time. Thankfully, it looks like everyone is going to be okay and get a full recovery from this accident.
What's going to happen? I know that the driver will most likely be put on paid administrative leave while the investigation rolls on and given a drug & alcohol test (which from my understanding is normal procedure). The police will review the tapes from the bus and from the National Guard and go from there.
As I said, I'm a 6 year "veteran" of Metro Transit. I have developed and maintained friendships with the drivers (as I said, mainly out of East Metro Garage in St. Paul). Many drivers have told me that the makers of the buses made them so they wouldn't sustain major damage. Guess they were right. It left a few scratch marks and dents on the bus but will be drivable in the future. The car is a complete loss though.
By no means was I defending my friend in this. I gave the police and supervisors what I believed to be an accurate description of what happened. But as we all know, surveillance cameras do not lie and I could be wrong.
I don't know who was at fault in this accident but it is a reoccurring reminder that we - whether your a bus driver, a driver in a private vehicle, a biker or pedestrian - have to look out for others. As we all know, there are stupid people out there that are not paying attention.
Eventually, I got to the bus I needed. I needed Route 270E (from Downtown Minneapolis to Mahtomedi via 35W North, Highway 36 & Maplewood Mall) to Mahtomedi where I was meeting someone. While on the bus, I thought the same thing was going to happen. A couple of close calls, one on Central Ave & 2nd Ave SE and one on Highway 36 & Cleveland Ave. I'm already on edge because of the earlier accident. I kept thinking to myself: "Today is the second time in less than two weeks I've dealt with the Metro Transit Police; I don't want to deal with them twice in one day."
Though out the remainder of the day/early evening, every time the bus hit it's brakes for any reason, I got his uneasy feeling in my stomach, therefore making me look out the window and thinking the bus was going to hit something.
PS. The first time I dealt with the Metro Transit police was on Metro Transit Route 54 (a limited stop bus from the Mall of America to Downtown St. Paul via the MSP Airport and West 7th St) on Saturday, April 11th. This time I was dealing with a mother assaulting and shaking her 4 year old son on the bus. I stayed back to file police reports on what I saw.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Defensiveness
In some way shape or form, each and every one of us has defended ourselves. Many people in my life has always told me that I defend myself too much. Okay, I'll admit this. But I'm trying my best to stop defending myself.
When I get defensive with people, I use different types of defensiveness, depending on the situation and the person who I'm talking to.
Attacking the critic: I've been guilty of this on many occasions. It's not so much verbal aggression that I use, its more sarcasm that I use. I have always been known as a witty person and a quick thinker and I use this skill to my advantage, even if I'm defending myself. Sometimes it keeps the person quiet or on occasion, makes the situation worse. I'm still trying to figure out when it's appropriate to use sarcasm in situations.
Rationalization: I use this when I'm upset at someone, for whatever the reason. When I'm upset, I let my emotions get the best of me and make up excuses not to face that particular person. It's something that I'm trying my best not to use. For example, I've gotten my hours cut drastically in the last 4 months (I went from 30 hours in January to 12 in April), and I was blaming my boss for what has happened. Last week, he needed to take the day off and needed to change the schedule a bit. He wanted me to work at night. But I made up the excuse that I had something going on that evening, when in truth, I really had nothing planned. I let my feelings get the best of me. I realize that it wasn't my boss' fault that he cut my hours - the upper management told him to do so. So instead of being upset at someone who told him to cut, I took it out on someone who couldn't control the situation. After I thought about it the next day, I probably shouldn't reacted the way I did.
Regression: I think almost everybody has been guilty of doing something like this. We make up excuses not to not to form a relationship with someone. I've personally have done this. Why I did this, I guess it has something to do with the fact that it was hard to admit that she wasn't compatible with me.
Physical Avoidance: When I get mad at someone, I want nothing to do with that person. I refuse to talk to that person, and be in the same room as that person. It's hard to avoid these situations, especially if it's a coworker or spouse/family member.
Displacement: With the economy the way it is, and people facing layoffs, it's easy to blame another person for what is happening. Obviously, this is something that no one controls. We take our frustrations out on others instead of the person we should be facing.
Each day that does on, I try my best NOT to defend myself, unless the situation warrants that I have to. There are times that you must defend yourself in certain citations. While I do realize the fact that any type of defensivness is bad, sometimes we have to do it, to protect ourselves. Even though I always look out for others, we also must look out for number 1: Ourselves.
When I get defensive with people, I use different types of defensiveness, depending on the situation and the person who I'm talking to.
Attacking the critic: I've been guilty of this on many occasions. It's not so much verbal aggression that I use, its more sarcasm that I use. I have always been known as a witty person and a quick thinker and I use this skill to my advantage, even if I'm defending myself. Sometimes it keeps the person quiet or on occasion, makes the situation worse. I'm still trying to figure out when it's appropriate to use sarcasm in situations.
Rationalization: I use this when I'm upset at someone, for whatever the reason. When I'm upset, I let my emotions get the best of me and make up excuses not to face that particular person. It's something that I'm trying my best not to use. For example, I've gotten my hours cut drastically in the last 4 months (I went from 30 hours in January to 12 in April), and I was blaming my boss for what has happened. Last week, he needed to take the day off and needed to change the schedule a bit. He wanted me to work at night. But I made up the excuse that I had something going on that evening, when in truth, I really had nothing planned. I let my feelings get the best of me. I realize that it wasn't my boss' fault that he cut my hours - the upper management told him to do so. So instead of being upset at someone who told him to cut, I took it out on someone who couldn't control the situation. After I thought about it the next day, I probably shouldn't reacted the way I did.
Regression: I think almost everybody has been guilty of doing something like this. We make up excuses not to not to form a relationship with someone. I've personally have done this. Why I did this, I guess it has something to do with the fact that it was hard to admit that she wasn't compatible with me.
Physical Avoidance: When I get mad at someone, I want nothing to do with that person. I refuse to talk to that person, and be in the same room as that person. It's hard to avoid these situations, especially if it's a coworker or spouse/family member.
Displacement: With the economy the way it is, and people facing layoffs, it's easy to blame another person for what is happening. Obviously, this is something that no one controls. We take our frustrations out on others instead of the person we should be facing.
Each day that does on, I try my best NOT to defend myself, unless the situation warrants that I have to. There are times that you must defend yourself in certain citations. While I do realize the fact that any type of defensivness is bad, sometimes we have to do it, to protect ourselves. Even though I always look out for others, we also must look out for number 1: Ourselves.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Intimacy & Online Relationships
My definition intimacy is a familiar and very close connection with another person. It's knowing what the person is going to say before they say it. It's touch, smell, taste, est.
One of the hardest things one person can do is go without intimacy. In the song "One" by Three Dog Night (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTO4hvLEH4Q), it perfectly describes being alone: One can be the loneliest number.
And yes it can be. There are times that I go through my day wishing I had that "special someone" along my side. With careers and school in the way, sometimes it isn't possible. For some, it is possible. It all depends on the type of schedule you have.
In relationships, it is very important to have. As I mentioned above, it brings a close connection, just not with your boyfriend/girlfriend, but you can have a intimate relationship with your friends and family. It ranges from handholding, sitting very close while watching TV, maybe the occasional hug (sorry for the sappiness!!!). Without a connection of another human being, it's rather tough to get through life.
While I think that it is possible to have an online relationship, but that’s all it is: An online relationship. While you feel the closeness of the other person, you don’t know what the other person’s facial expression is. For example, it is really easy to say "I Love You" online, compared to saying it face to face, where you might be quite nervous. When saying it online, you don't know whether or not he/she means it. Saying it face to face means way more than saying it online. That's one of the problems with social networking sites, or even dating sites or even taking classes online: You don't know how that person truly feels because of that lack of facial expressions. Plus an online relationship is basically the same as a long distance relationship, no matter the distance.
One of the hardest things one person can do is go without intimacy. In the song "One" by Three Dog Night (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTO4hvLEH4Q), it perfectly describes being alone: One can be the loneliest number.
And yes it can be. There are times that I go through my day wishing I had that "special someone" along my side. With careers and school in the way, sometimes it isn't possible. For some, it is possible. It all depends on the type of schedule you have.
In relationships, it is very important to have. As I mentioned above, it brings a close connection, just not with your boyfriend/girlfriend, but you can have a intimate relationship with your friends and family. It ranges from handholding, sitting very close while watching TV, maybe the occasional hug (sorry for the sappiness!!!). Without a connection of another human being, it's rather tough to get through life.
While I think that it is possible to have an online relationship, but that’s all it is: An online relationship. While you feel the closeness of the other person, you don’t know what the other person’s facial expression is. For example, it is really easy to say "I Love You" online, compared to saying it face to face, where you might be quite nervous. When saying it online, you don't know whether or not he/she means it. Saying it face to face means way more than saying it online. That's one of the problems with social networking sites, or even dating sites or even taking classes online: You don't know how that person truly feels because of that lack of facial expressions. Plus an online relationship is basically the same as a long distance relationship, no matter the distance.
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