Defensiveness

In some way shape or form, each and every one of us has defended ourselves. Many people in my life has always told me that I defend myself too much. Okay, I'll admit this. But I'm trying my best to stop defending myself.

When I get defensive with people, I use different types of defensiveness, depending on the situation and the person who I'm talking to.

Attacking the critic: I've been guilty of this on many occasions. It's not so much verbal aggression that I use, its more sarcasm that I use. I have always been known as a witty person and a quick thinker and I use this skill to my advantage, even if I'm defending myself. Sometimes it keeps the person quiet or on occasion, makes the situation worse. I'm still trying to figure out when it's appropriate to use sarcasm in situations.

Rationalization: I use this when I'm upset at someone, for whatever the reason. When I'm upset, I let my emotions get the best of me and make up excuses not to face that particular person. It's something that I'm trying my best not to use. For example, I've gotten my hours cut drastically in the last 4 months (I went from 30 hours in January to 12 in April), and I was blaming my boss for what has happened. Last week, he needed to take the day off and needed to change the schedule a bit. He wanted me to work at night. But I made up the excuse that I had something going on that evening, when in truth, I really had nothing planned. I let my feelings get the best of me. I realize that it wasn't my boss' fault that he cut my hours - the upper management told him to do so. So instead of being upset at someone who told him to cut, I took it out on someone who couldn't control the situation. After I thought about it the next day, I probably shouldn't reacted the way I did.

Regression: I think almost everybody has been guilty of doing something like this. We make up excuses not to not to form a relationship with someone. I've personally have done this. Why I did this, I guess it has something to do with the fact that it was hard to admit that she wasn't compatible with me.

Physical Avoidance: When I get mad at someone, I want nothing to do with that person. I refuse to talk to that person, and be in the same room as that person. It's hard to avoid these situations, especially if it's a coworker or spouse/family member.

Displacement: With the economy the way it is, and people facing layoffs, it's easy to blame another person for what is happening. Obviously, this is something that no one controls. We take our frustrations out on others instead of the person we should be facing.

Each day that does on, I try my best NOT to defend myself, unless the situation warrants that I have to. There are times that you must defend yourself in certain citations. While I do realize the fact that any type of defensivness is bad, sometimes we have to do it, to protect ourselves. Even though I always look out for others, we also must look out for number 1: Ourselves.