Pressures of Finals

There are two months out of the year I really don't like: May and December (although December seems to be of a triple whammy - I'll explain more later). Reason: Finals.

For many college students, this is where we put everything behind us and focus on our classes. For me, it's many, many hours in the computer lab, printing and researching information regarding certain topics for certain classes. For example, last Wednesday and Thursday, I was in the computer lab from 9:00 in the morning all the way to 8:30 at night. Two long days staring in front of a computer can make anyone go absolutely crazy. I wasn't realizing this when it happened but when I was texting some of my friends, they let me know that I was misspelling some words, therefore making them confused about what I was talking about. I knew that was a sign that my brain was fried - I can't spell.

Friday didn't give me much of a favor either but was in the computer lab for only a few hours in the morning since I had to work in the afternoon.

It's because of those two long study days that I took the weekend off from studying. I went out with friends on Saturday night, to escape the world of studying and be a little social before I got back to the books on Monday.

By the way, early last week, I had 2 finals next week & 2 finals during finals week. Late in the week, my instructor for technical writing changed the schedule a bit and moved the final to this coming week. So now 3 next week and one the following. I know that this is normal for a college student but having 3 finals even before finals week seems to be a little strange. Shouldn't that week be used for studying or finishing up last minute papers/reports?

I'll be glad when finals are over. I'll have a nice week & Memorial Day off before I have to go back at it. I'm taking four classes that start and finish at different times (Three online and one in the classroom).

I have a hunch that I'll be spending a lot of time at Inver Hill's gym (waling around) to decrease the stress I'll have.

If you see me next week, stay clear of me. It may be ugly!!! :-D

By the way, that triple whammy in December I'm talking about consists of Christmas, finals and the start of winter. Talk about a stressful month.

I'm Glad To See SOMEONE Using the Pool

We haven't used our swimming pool in the last few years. I'm glad to see someone getting some use out of it.

Crazymakers

When I first heard of the term "crazymakers", I thought it meant people who like to be a little crazy, or creative, in their lives. Apparently, I wasn't even close to the actual meaning.

Psychologist George Bach uses the term "crazymakers" (It occures when people have feelings of resientment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwelling to expres directly) to describe passive-aggression behavior (defined as "a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way).

What are the types of "crazymakers"? Here they are:

Avoider: Refuses to fight


Pseudoaccommodator: Pretends to give in and continues to act the same way

Guiltmaker: Try to make others feel responsible for causing pain. "It's OK, don't worry about me..."


The Mind Reader: Go into character analysis and say what their partner really means or what's wrong with their partner.

Trapper: Set up a desired behavior for their partners and then, when its met, attacking the very behavior they requested. "Let's be totally honest with each other.." and then attacks the self disclosure

Crisis Tickler: Almost bring about what's bothering them but never quite express themselves. If someone is concerned about finances, "Gee, how much did that cost?"

Gunnysacker: Thet put their resentments into a sack which they pour out at later date and overwhelm an unsuspecting victim

Trivial Tyrannizer: Do things that they know will get their partners goat --leaving dirty dishes in the sink, fingernail clippings in the bed, turning up the TV too loud, etc.

Beltliner: Strike blow the psychological beltlining by using intimate knowledge to hurt their partner


Joker: Kid with partners and block the expression of important feelings

Withholder: Instead of expressing anger honestly and directly they hold back something--courtesy, affection, sex.


Benedict Arnold: Get partners back by sabotage, by failing to defend them or encouraging ridicule from others.

Which one of these are you? I was surprised when I read the section and realized what I used on others and what others used on me. I won't say which one of these I am. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about me.

Source:
Looking Out, Looking In by Ronald B., Adler & Russell F. Proctor II

Can Men and Women Just "Be Friends"?

I know this was a topic that I studied about a month ago in my Interpersonal Communications class but I was watching a report on WCCO Channel 4 News on Monday evening about men and women being "just friends". It left me wondering: Can they? Can men and women be "just friends." The only question I'm asking is: Why not?

In today's society, we've concluded that if we see people (who are in a committed relationship) hanging out with members of the opposite sex, it qualifies as cheating on their spouse. However, I don't believe that. I believe that is there is trust and honesty in the relationship, we should be able to be friends with whoever we want. While I understand the fact that jealousy may play a roll in outside relationships, it's also a good thing to have good friends that are members of the opposite sex.

When I was in a relationship with an ex-girlfriend, it was one of the hardest transitions in life I've ever been through. I didn't know anything about women or how they function (like I'll ever know the full story). However, I had a good friend (who was a girl) who was giving me some assistance on what I should do in any particular situation. While it did help, it made my ex a little jealous. That was not my intention. It blew up beyond proportion and couldn't resolve the conflict so we broke it off. But I still maintain my friendship with my friend.

Personally, I believe that having a good friend of the opposite sex is a good thing mainly becuase you get that feedback from someone who is the opposite sex and isn't the person you're with. As I said, as long as there's trust and honesty with the person you're with, there shouldn't be any problem maintaining friendships with the opposite sex.

Links:

http://wcco.com/specialreports/friends.opposite.sex.2.995911.html

Conflict: Everyone Has to Deal With It

It is something that every relationship has to deal with. Conflict. There are many synonyms to describe conflict: Battle, brawl, clash, competition, discord, disharmony, duel, fight, strife, struggle, trouble, and violence. We use different types of metaphors to decribe conflict: "We often talk about conflict as a type of war", "conflicts are explosive", conflict sometimes seems "like a kinf of trial, in which one party accuses another", "Language that suggests that conflict is a mess", and using metaphors "of a game implies that one side has to defeat the other".

When it comes to handling conflict, it depends on the situation and the person who I'm talking to.

Avoiding (a lose-lose situation): Defined as "when people nonasseretively ignore or stay away from conflict. It can be physical or conversational." I use this almost immediately after any type of arguing. It helps me and the other person cool down a bit before we actually talk about it. It's better to avoid the person for a few days than to talk about it with a hot head, otherwise you may do or say something that you'll regret later.


Accommodating (a lose-win situation): Defined as "when you allow others to have their way rather than asserting your own point of view. I try my hardest not to do this type of conflict, otherwise I'm letting the other person know that I will do whatever he/she wants to do, even though I already made plans for that particular day/time.

Competing (a win-lose or sometimes degenerating to lose-lose situation): Defined as "a win-lose approach to conflict involves high concern for self and low concern of others. In my opinion, this is one of the worst ways to create a conflict. It's telling you that you are better than another person. Back when I was a child, I came across this quite often. When I was playing an organized pick up game of baseball or kickball, there was always one team that always played like they were the king of the world. They had to play the way they wanted to play. Whenever that team lost, they acted like a bunch of idiots. I guess the same can be said if you win every game and acted like a sore winner. That's what takes the fun out of games. I was always taught (when playing sports for an organized recreation center team) to win and lose with grace.

Compromising (a partial lose-lose situation): Defined as "given both people at least half of what they want, although both sacrifice part of their goals. I believe that every relationship, no matter who it is, has done something like this. In my mind this is a "win some, lose some situation."

Collaborating ( a win-win situation): Defined as a "showing a high degree of concern for both themselves and others. This is one of the best ways to solve a conflict. Instead of focusing on "me", you're focusing on "we". In this situation, you may want to continue what you and your partner are already doing, without having to make any changes.

How do you know what style to use? Well, it depends on these four factors:

The Relationship: How important is the relationship your having with the other person?

The Situation: How big or small is the issue? Is it worth fighting for?

The Other Person: You have to get a sense on how the other person is feeling. You want to make sure you are collaborating with that particular person.

Your Goals: What are your goals to dissolve the conflict? Will you have to accomidate the person? Or will you have to compromise?

Two News Stories That Left My Mind Boggled

I am one of those so called "news junkies." I go to sleep watching the news and I wake up watching the news. I read the news on my Blackberry and computer. You can say that I love to be informed about the daily events of the world.

One thing that amazes me when I watch or read the news is how many stupid people that are out there. I came across two stories on one website.

Story 1: Six Arrested When Party on Dinkytown Gets Out of Hand - http://kstp.com/news/stories/S899192.shtml?cat=1

What a shocker. It just had to happen on the weekend of the University of Minnesota's annual spring party: Spring Jam. It was reported earlier this week in the Minnesota Daily that the U of M had to cut police patrol in Dinkytown due to funding issues. Community leaders didn't want this to happen because it would create problems in the Dinkytown community. They knew parties were going to happen. I wonder how many of them actually read that article and were planning on taking advantage of the low police patrol? Apparently 400-500 people did.

My only question is: How many of them were A) Drinking, B) Underage or C) Both? My best guess would be letter C - both. The University campus is one small town itself - with at least 11,000 students, faculty and staff on campus. Is this what today's society is all about? Underage drinking. These people think that their invisible. Nothing bad will happen and if it does, mommy and daddy will take care of it. But if it's death, then it's a different story. Take the Amanda Jax story. While I'm sad that she died from drinking, I'm upset by the fact that her friends continued to encourage her to drink and the bartenders that kept serving her. Parents blamed the bar and her friends but didn't take into the account that Jax drank a lot previously.

I'll even admit that in my early 20s, I wanted to go out and drink. Heck there are times today that I want to go out and have a drink. Since I act mature for my age, I can keep it to a social level. Meaning I can have 1 or 2 and call it a night. But I'll admit once that I got a little crazy one night and had, in the words of Arthur Bach (from the movie Arthur) "I want more than enough". But I still remembered how to get home. Safely, even while on the bus.

I was having a conversation about something similar to this story with a transit driver who does Route 852 (an express route going from Downtown Minneapolis to Anoka via 35W, East River Road, and Northtown Mall). We were discussing a story that happened a couple years ago where high school age children were drinking, taking pictures and posting them on Facebook. The principle found them and suspended them. But, here comes mommy and daddy to the rescue, telling the media that "our kid(s) would never do something like that. What the school administration did was invasion of privacy and should be allowed to go back to school." What? "Our kids would never do that?" There's evidence that they DO that. Plus Facebook is a public domain. Anyone can view it. Personally, I'm glad that they got suspended.

Whatever happened to "you do the crime, you do the time?" I still remember growing up, I did bad things. I deserved to get punished. I deserved to do the time. And I learned from it. It seems that parents are trying to be their child(s) friend instead of being a parent. They're not learning the consequences of their actions by bailing them out of trouble.

I wonder if mommy and daddy will come to the rescue of their children after last night's Dinkytown riot? While I understand that parents have every right to defend their children, but of they break the law, why bother?

Story 2: Minn. Man Arrested for Leaving Girl, 5, in Charge - http://kstp.com/news/stories/S899044.shtml?cat=1

Are people getting stupider and stupider by the day? Why would anyone in there right mind leave a 5 year old alone, with two toddlers? It's the exact equivalent to leaving your child in a vehicle for that quick errand (see a previous blog posting).

I'm not going to get into this story very much since the stupidity level is way too high.....

I'm starting to realize that I maybe becoming too opinionated at times.....

Five clues that you are addicted to Facebook

I log on to Facebook several times a day. Whether it's by computer or on my Blackberry, I may have one of these problems that CNN Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen was talking about. I have the constant needed to be informed about what is going on in my friends & family's lives. But the same can be said for e-mail. When I was attending the University of Minnesota in 2003-04, I was constantly checking my e-mail account every 10 minutes. Sick huh?

After I left the University in 2004, a friend of mine persuaded me to join Facebook. I found myself addicted from the start. Back then, there was no status updates, or no news feed but it did list when your friends updated their profile. I found myself updating my profile at least once (if not more) a week. It was an obsession with the fake world instead of being obsessed with what is going on in the real world.

At first, I used it to keep in touch with my friends who I met during my year at the U. After the owners of Facebook made it available to everyone with a valid e-mail address, my friends list included family members, who I keep in touch via the social networking site. Now, I am closer to my family (at least my mom's side) because of the wonderful world of social networking.

After reading the article, the five signs of an addition are (with my personal comments included):

1. You lose sleep over Facebook.

Well, I haven't experienced a lose of sleep over Facebook. As a matter of fact, I always watch You Tube videos before I call it an evening. Even that, I'm still in bed by 11:00.

2. You spend more than an hour a day on Facebook

It depends on the day and what I have going on. When I have an enormous amount of work to do, I use Facebook as a "break" from work. If the weather is bad, then yeah, I spend way too much time on it.

3. You become obsessed with old loves

This happened only once. It ended rather quickly. I'm now over it. I'm hoping it never happens again.

Blog Owner's Note: Shortly after I posted this blog, a former crush of mine found me on Facebook and added me as a friend (obviously I accepted). Ha. Coincidence?

4. You ignore work in favor of Facebook

I will admit that I have done this. To me, Facebook is an escape of reality for a short time. A break if you call it. But I'm rather good about getting back to work and using the social networking site as a break.

5. The thought of getting off Facebook leaves you in a cold sweat

It may be hard. It's the exact equivalent to quitting smoking or stop doing drugs. Personally, I have gone through one whole day without Facebook. I didn't feel anything. It actually made me feel much better about myself. It has helped me to only be on the site when someone sends me a message or makes a comment about something.

After taking the Facebook Compulsion Inventory, I scored a 32, which means that I enjoy Facebook and consider it a big part of my life but it isn't probably controlling me. I suppose my addiction to Facebook wasn't bad as I though it would be. However, the fact that I'm not in a relationship with someone outside my family made a big difference in the outcome of my score. If I had been in a relationship with someone, who knows what my score would have been.

Remember: There is a life outside of Facebook. We need to remember that before social networking sites, we had to communicate face to face or over the phone. Maybe we should go back to that instead of social networking sites????

Links:
Five clues that you are addicted to Facebook: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/23/ep.facebook.addict/index.html

The Facebook Compulsion Inventory: http://www.imagolady.com/Paula_Pile/A_Temptress_in_the_Computer/Facebook%20Inventory%20Test.pdf